I didn’t know where else to turn to but I’ve just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me and I’m devastated, I’m also 32 weeks pregnant and we have just purchased our first home together and sold my old property so I have nowhere else to go.
I never expected this from him, he was always open and honest, never guarded around his phone, he doesn’t even have a password on it, he was never bothered if I went onto any social media he has, he often left his phone laying around and he was always checking in via phone calls and texts when we were not together.
Over the weekend I went onto his phone as my text messages were not sending to my mum so I wanted to check if they would send to him and basically, I found text messages and WhatsApp of him messaging ‘working ladies’ asking for prices etc
I could clearly see from the messages nothing materialized from the exchange just sexting, I took photos on my own phone (evidence encase I ever needed it) and confronted him, I was extremely upset/angry ready to leave there and then but ultimately I was confronted with a very calm boyfriend, he apologized profusely, said he felt extremely guilty and began to show me everything I wanted to see and stuff I didn’t even realize he had on there, he showed me an email confirming he actually permanently deleted his online account for the site he was using (before I found out)
He explained he did it for self-pleasuring only and has never persuade anything (I could see this from the messages) he stopped last month, explained the house was a new start and he did not want to enter our future family home with this hanging over us. He bought a new car recently and explained he did not want to keep his old one because of what he got up to in his old car with other women in his hay day (before we got together)
He said he did not want to hurt me, this was more like interactive p@rn for him and he did it because our sex life has slowed down a lot due to complications in my pregnancy. I respect the fact that he did not deny anything and thankful he did not lie. he said he would still support me with the baby and financially (going on Mat Leave in the new year)
He told me it will never happen again and that he wants to work towards being a family again, I have left our new property (he offered to leave) but I don’t want to be there right now, I am so upset about the situation because I am blind sighted.
We were supposed to be getting married in the new year but I have since cancelled any arrangements we had but I’m just in limbo I suppose it’s because I didn’t expect his response or his support, I didn’t expect him to be so forthcoming and honest about everything. He offered to take things at my pace try and be a family unit and prove to me it was a stupid mistake on his part, I’ve explained that I need space away from him and he agreed to continuing with the home renovations without me. We agreed to talk only on the bases that we need to, baby stuff/ hospital appointments etc as he wants to give me space to breath and think.
he has been extremally reasonable with me still offering to pay for the house expenses/ bills if we break up, he said he did not want to break up but understood if we did but said he would stay in a guest bedroom to help out the first couple of months with the baby (if i allowed it)
he would still remain active in the babies life and make sure we were comfortable, support me with the babies heart condition, going hospital appointments etc and i do completely appreciate this because we all hear or know of dads who are deadbeats who don't even pay child support and just leave the mums do all the work.
I would usually not think twice about leaving him but I have a few things stacked against me
- The mortgage, I can’t afford to sell and rebuy my own place right now for obvious reasons
- Financially I am losing my wage and I am depending on him financially and I don’t know if I will be entitled to UC if I have a mortgage with him
- His response, he handled the situation well and, in a way, I was not expecting and ultimately its rocked me on my decision about leaving him
- I do love him and this whole situation is hard
- i do believe him when he says he will do anything for us to be together because of his behavior and his willingness to take steps towards having a trustworthy relationship again
- he even offered to do a lie detector to prove his innocent of anything physical
I am just looking to see if anyone has any advice or supportive tips, I’m not scared on being on my own with a child its just all come out at the wrong moment and it put me in a sticky situation (emotionally, housing and financially)