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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Adult friendships

3 replies

Jellybubbamama0987 · 16/12/2024 11:07

Hi. I’m not sure what to put here if I’m honest but does anyone else find new adult friendships difficult? I’ve recently made a new adult friend (maybe 2 years ago) and although I like her and we seem to have a lot in common I’m feeling its way harder to commit to this friendship than the ones I had at school. It feels like she’s more into this friendship than I am and I don’t know if it’s me or that’s just who she is but I’m feeling something. I look after my disabled husband and so I’ve not really been out out for a long time and now we’ve become friends, she treats me like family and buys birthday and Christmas gifts for all my family ( and I do reciprocate) but I’m finding it hard to feel the way she does. Does the feeling of family eventually come? Have I been just too isolated for so long that I’ve lost the skill? Are school friendships different? I mean you know everything about them as you’re growing up but this woman has just met me in my 40’s and she’s my only friend now. If you made it this far, I hope you understand what I’m trying to ask, if not please ask questions. I’m just trying to get my head around it. She is fun to talk to and I do like spending time with her but maybe I’m holding back for some reason.

OP posts:
Pinkmoonshine · 16/12/2024 11:24

Personally I think friendship really changes as you age. The intensity of teen and even 20s wears off when you are older and if you have a partner / children. I just want polite, fun, interesting friends now and not intense ones. Happy to enjoy company without the emotional intensity of my youth.

Sounds to me like you don’t want such emotional closeness. It’s not wrong to feel like that.

Jellybubbamama0987 · 16/12/2024 20:48

Pinkmoonshine · 16/12/2024 11:24

Personally I think friendship really changes as you age. The intensity of teen and even 20s wears off when you are older and if you have a partner / children. I just want polite, fun, interesting friends now and not intense ones. Happy to enjoy company without the emotional intensity of my youth.

Sounds to me like you don’t want such emotional closeness. It’s not wrong to feel like that.

Hi. I think this might be it, it’s so different to what I’m used to and she’s from another part of the country so maybe that’s just her friendship language and I’m used to more aloof people, whereas she’s quite intense and a hugger lol maybe I just need to relax and take each day as it comes

OP posts:
optimistic47 · 16/12/2024 20:56

Can relate. I think it's more difficult from the 40's onwards. I don't find it easy either. I don't find the balance easy - friendship has to be 50/50. I can be friendly with people, but once you leave a job/situation it fizzles out. Best to try starting with friends of friends, a group, volunteering, online communities. Best of luck. Just remember there's nothing wrong with you or me, it just takes perseverance and faith. You can turn it around anytime.

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