Looking for some thoughts on this scenario and if anyone can relate.
My dad emigrated a few years ago and has made very little effort with me or me 3 DC since then. His version of effort is a FaceTime once a month, which tbh, I find extremely draining and monotonous. My children also lose interest with these calls very quickly and they become quite awkward, although they do miss their grandparents!
My relationship with my dad has always been strained, him and my mum split when I was quite young and he was pretty absent throughout my childhood (both physically and emotionally). All the while he had subsequent relationships with 2 other women and acted the doting stepdad to their children, he eventually married his now wife who has 3 DC and 1 grandchild. I suppose I always held some resentment towards him and have always been closer to his parents and younger brother.
Things improved when my eldest came along in 2017, and his brother in 2018 and my dad and his wife played the role of grandparents well. I made peace with my dad during this time for the sake of my DC.
Fast forward to 2021 and the emigration, things have completely changed and it feels like history is repeating itself with the physical and emotional absence. They only live a 3 hr flight away, but my dad never sees us or any other family members unless I or others make the effort to visit them (I’ve visited them three times since 2021 and we’re meeting in a mutual place in their new homeland in January). What I find very odd, is that his wife returns to the UK every 6-9 months or so but my dad won’t come. My brother has recently had a DD and his wife came to meet her but again my dad didn’t.
I’ve always wondered if my dad has childhood trauma that’s not been addressed - his biological dad was a wrong un by all accounts and left when he was very young and he’s mentioned to me that his step dad, who was my grandad and I was extremely close with, was harsh on my dad when he was growing up.
Could this explain my dad’s absenteeism and why he can so easily ‘check out’ of his parental and grand parental roles?
Could he be resentful of my relationship with my grandad?
Or is it that he’s just never been cut out to be a parent or grandparent and just went along with it as a societal norm.
I’ve started to feel is it time to cut ties with him to avoid causing any disappointment or trauma to my own children?
Grateful for any thoughts on this or hearing from anyone who’s experienced something similar!