Helpful advice needed please

[SameOld1]

I’m reaching out for some advice as I’m currently struggling to figure things out. I’m 44, overweight, and slightly depressed. I have a good job, although I’m on secondment, which is ending soon. I have an 11-year-old child who is the apple of my eye. I’m doing my best to provide for my family, but money is always tight. Unexpected expenses, like a leaking roof and a broken oven, are draining all my cash.
My partner lives with me. He’s a good dad but not much else. I pay for the food, the mortgage, holidays, and all the bills. He pays for the TV license, Internet, and Virgin TV box. He has his own house, which he rents out, as well as a private pension, but he doesn’t work. He spends his time going to the gym, playing walking football, and meeting friends several times a week.
We don’t have sex or even cuddle. He’s impotent and refuses to do anything about it. I’ve asked him to leave several times, but he either turns it into a joke or becomes aggressive.
I’d love to meet someone and fall in love again, but I’m scared of rejection. I also have vitiligo, which is on parts of my body that are hidden by clothes, but it still causes me some anxiety.
I don’t know what to do. I just want to be happy, but I don’t know how to make the right choices.

You really need to tell him firmly to leave and not let it dissolve into a joke. Make sure he knows you’re for real and give him a firm deadline. Maybe get some back up from a friend or relative to be there when you tell him so he knows it’s serious. If he becomes aggressive, call the police immediately and they will remove him. He can make arrangements another time to collect his stuff.

I would also plan to do it when your child is not there, ideally staying with family for a couple days so you don’t have to worry about them. I’d also wait till after Christmas for their sake. It seems to me that you have followed the path of least resistance and allowed him to get away with not paying his way and treating you badly for years - probably to avoid confrontation. This problem won’t get solved without some kind of confrontation though. It will be tough in the short term, but so worth it.

Hi OP, you said

I am torn about whether to go to a mediation service, where someone else could explain to him that the best option would be to part, support each other in childcare, and ensure he can see the child—without going into too much detail and finger pointing etc.

There isn't a service like this to explain this to him. You are the one to give him this simple message you've outlined. Remember you don't have to have his agreement. The relationship is over because you don't want to be in it. The fear of his reaction is greater than the impact. When you tell him and he (probably) abreacts you can just excuse yourself and leave the room.

I'm currently building myself up to have a life changing conversation; I understand how anxious you are. All you can do is say it clearly and politely and leave.

Has he friends/family he can go to until he sorts his accommodation out?

Take a step back and look at yourself, you own your home, you have a good job, you have a lovely child, you provide for yourself and your child these are all wonderful positives. Look at how well you are doing. Ok you may be overweight so what you can change that and once you get rid of the cocklodger I am fairly certain the slight depression will go to him. You are doing so well switch round how you describe yourself lead with all your positive attributes and successes. You have got this.