It turns out I don’t hate doing these chores…I just needed a divorce

[Curtyshirt]

Kinda light hearted but it dawned on me that when I was with my ex wife I literally hated doing certain chores…leaving bin out, changing rubbish bag, cleaning bathroom etc
now I can’t say I absolutely love doing these things but I do them regularly and never miss bin day. I think I just begrudged always being the one to do everything around the house.

there’s something quite freeing when you are just doing it for yourself and your kids and have no expectations of help from any partner. If you don’t do it, it doesn’t get done and none else is letting you down

I hope to be in this situation one day !

Totally.
Nobody to let you down if you have to do it all yourself. I'd been doing it all before anyway.
Now I have nobody to carry.
Me myself and I.

Yeah it just hit me tonight when I was leaving the bins out that I have done them myself for a few years now and never once grumbled or moaned about it or even thought those kinds of thoughts. When I really begrudged that job when I was with my ex, like hated it. Now I just do all the jobs that need done without a second thought

I hope so too!

I just begrudged always being the one to do everything around the house.

Yes! I totally get what you're saying. The lack of resentment in my life now is such a relief, I feel so much lighter!

I had to do all this with my ex wife…I did everything round the house plus carried the mental load and did all the childcare, she couldn’t have even told you the kids drs names, very frustrating.

now that we are divorced I feel much lighter and yes I am still doing all those things but for myself and the kids

Oh my goodness, he sounds like such a burden. What makes you stay?! I couldn't live like this!!

Soon you’ll resentful that the kids don’t do more..

No, I won’t.

I remember a similar feeling when living on my own after ending a co-habiting LTR in my late 20/.

Bliss, isn’t it? I always did my fair share, but it feels so much nicer doing mundane household chores because you want to live in a nice house and not because you’re being ordered to do them in a particular order and to an exact standard. I used to find myself being nervous about the subsequent inspection of my work by my partner at the time. Not a healthy relationship!

I think some partners like to live in a militarized zone.
The problem is they expect everyone to be the same.
Divorce is prevalent post Xmas because of unmet expectations. It's absurd.

When you’re with someone who doesn’t share the load they’re a dead bloody weight creating more load. Feeling what you’re feeling is one of the major silver linings to divorce

Some have a different view of what the load consists of. Hence this thread.

Some don’t want to even consider things outside themselves. My ex wife genuinely never thought of anyone but herself

Same here OP. I was always doing most of the stuff and while my exh did do some things he would act like it is a big sacrifice on his part, he would moan and complain and we would then have to praise him for doing a great job. It was exhausting. Just like you said, now that I am alone with my kids, I do it all, and love it.