Grass isn't always greener is it? But I have peace!

[hippyhiphip]

This time last year I was devastated. Positing daily on here thinking that life would be forever crap.

I had been married to my ex husband for 5 years who was abusive and controlling. The trauma bond was real. I was constantly accused of cheating on him - I never did. He was a gambling addict and EVERYTHING was about him. I didn't know who I was anymore. I knew my ex was bad for me but I was almost obsessed with him. We have a child together.

When I finally had the guts to end it for good at the end of last year, he moved straight into a new woman's house with her children. By march she was pregnant with his child - making her the 4th mother to his 4th child.

Today I have met up with my ex husband's daughter. She's 20 and we were always very close still are. She confirmed my ex is still gambling, convinced his new partner is cheating on him and he doesn't get on with her children at all. It was an eye opening meeting - this isn't all we spoke about but she brought it up. I think she wanted to get it off her chest.

I have mixed feelings. Part of me is glad he's unhappy - karma is a thing. I know he will never change but a huge part of me hoped he had for everyone's sake, especially our child.

I left feeling concerned for his partner who has a baby with him that is only weeks old. She's well and truly stuck with him. I feel even more concerned for my son who goes to their house every other weekend.

I just felt the need to post. As I mentioned, I used to post about him on a daily basis. Full of confusion about whether i was always the problem - I still do struggle with this if I were to ever think about it. Though I am pleased this evening may have put that part finally to bed.

Now my life is calm, peaceful and just pretty much amazing - never thought I'd get there but it is possible. I am divorced with a financial order which I am forever thankful for with his gambling and mounting debt.

I guess I just feel concerned for the future. And sort of gutted that he's a bigger narcissist prick than he was before!

My ex jumped from one bed to another after we divorced.

Got married again and divorced, and has been doing this for two decades since. He will never be happy. At the time, like you, I was devastated at the time.

Now a little part of me feels sorry for him and I cant understand what I saw in him.

It's sad isn't it, I also know my ex will never be happy. He had a traumatic childhood and it would take years of counselling.

He loves the thrill of gambling and spending money and that's all.

I don't know, not sure what the point of my post was. Just another piece of the jigsaw done and I'm hoping the final one.

This is my ex also.

He had a traumatic childhood, I think he genuinely wants to feel the connection and wants it to be real. But it's all superficial as he is soon on to the next woman.

I felt addicted to my ex - it's been very hard moving on. I don't feel like I will ever have that 'buzz' with anyone else. (Not that it was healthy)

I've stayed single, had therapy and been solid for my child.

The thought of a new relationship scares me, does it you?

It does scare me yes.

I find that I'm not attracted to genuinely nice men. The men that have got it all together.

So while I'm aware of what I've been through and why I am like I am in terms of relationships, I still seem to be attracted to men that I know will be no good for me.

I have a huge crush on a guy that I work with. At first I thought it was great, I was moving on! I would never act on this crush but I was happy that I could finally look at other men and feel that excitement.

But as I've continued to see the guy daily, I've realised that he has that same confident and charming personality as my ex - the type I need to 100% avoid.

So yes.....it does scare me. There's a huge part of me that just feels dead inside when it comes to relationships.

I hope you can get passed it and find the person you deserve - I do believe they are out there x

I'm the exact same.

I am only 34 so do hope I do have a chance at finding someone nice eventually.

I will keep at my therapy and hopefully we will both be able to use our heads (not hearts) to pick more suitable men! When ever that time may be.

I am seeking peace and calm at the moment still.

Why feel sorry for this woman, completely her fault for being so desperate for a man she has to move him into her children's safe space in less than a year of knowing him and presumably her decision to not bother with contraception. Don't waste any of your worry muscles on her and well done for getting shot of him.

You can rest assured now you know it wasn't you.

Onwards and upwards.

I guess because I spent years with him and it's not fun. I've lived her life she has now. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I'm a few years older than you. My plan is to see out my 30's being single and start again (if I feel ready) next year when I'm 40.

Definitely stick with the therapy- it 100% changed my life and opened my eyes.

I think what saddens me the most is knowing one never been 'loved' properly by anyone. I've never had a healthy relationship with man.

But it's not the end of the world, I'm completely independent and love it. I don't ever want anyone to disturb my peace again.

I really hope life treats you well going forward - you've got this!