I don’t know what to think of this comment

[chrischrist]

Been with DH years and years. I’m very close with my family, he is sort of with his too but not bothered about seeing them much so doesn’t understand the dynamic with me being close and liking to see them regularly every week or two weeks.

Hes never liked coming to family gatherings or things where family are, not because he doesn’t like them, but because he just can’t be bothered. Doesn’t like going. Another issue as I usually go alone.

we were out with friends earlier, and my sister who lives the other side of the country is home for a few days for work and joined us. My sister in law has had a baby and my sister is going to meet her. I said oh me and DH saw her recently and he just went “yeah we have but I don’t care about the baby”
I thought I misheard and asked him to repeat what he said. He looked me in the eye and said “I don’t care”

I was so taken aback and so was my sister that she just rapidly changed the subject and he sat there looking miserable, he got up to get a drink and my sister didn’t want to talk about it as she’s not good with awkward conflict.

im just shocked still, hes never made a comment like that and in front of my family. I dont know where to go from here. He’s been very moody lately which has been getting worse, picking at everything, we have a small child. I’ve mentioned his bad moods frequently but it doesn’t change. But now he’s made this public comment which is v unlike him and I don’t know what to think. What would you think?

Which sector does he work in? That’s usually a good indicator of what drugs people are on……

My brothers wife

I think you need to speak to him and establish what he meant by it. Could it be that he’s had enough of hearing about the new baby or something like that?

It was rude and crass of him to say it out loud, and you said it was a big change from how he usually is, so do you think he might be depressed or otherwise have something big going on that is upsetting him?

But, outside of social convention, there are a sizeable minority of people who in reality don't care about babies, even if somewhat related, or in general, about people they are not connected/attached to in some way. That part is not so unusual. Being so socially unaware as to say it out loud in company is.

I’ve barely spoken about the baby, he was just doing it to be a dick but he’s never been like this in front of friends and family which is why I was shocked. I’ll need to talk to him but wondered if maybe I was overthinking it and to just leave it. He’s in a mood a lot atm and I don’t want to add more fuel to the fire over a comment that might not be as rude as I think?

So if he's not always been like this, what's changed? Does he have a new job? Is there a chance he's taking drugs? Is there a chance he's having an affair and is preoccupied with that, so to him now normal life is a nuisance?

Do you have children with him? If so, what's he like with them?

You definitely need to speak with him. I would be so embarrassed if my DH spoke/acted like that in front of my family/about my family. You need to understand where all his moodiness is coming from as he cannot keep acting up.

Bloody hell, what a mean spirited thing to say.

Nothing has changed that I know of. Things are a lot tighter with money at the moment but we aren’t in a bad place.
since having our DC who is a toddler, his moods have been getting worse and worse. He puts on a happy face around DC for the most part and I get the brunt of everything (nitpicking, always annoyed about something Ive done) but he doesn’t usually do this in public so I guess the mask is slipping. He isn’t the best at communicating so I don’t understand really where his moods are coming from, I’ve asked him why he’s like this and he doesn’t respond, told him so many times how his moods impact me and ask him what is causing them but he doesn’t tell me really.
im sure he’s not having an affair. I think it’s the drudgery of day to day life. We both work and have to juggle. I don’t even know :(

I can relate to these types of behaviours as my husband has said similar types of things in the past. I’ve always put it down to him trying to hurt me - he’s feeling crappy for whatever reason so wants me to feel crap too. It seems so childish and mean.

It has lessened with time and nowadays if he says something shitty I pull him up on it and then walk out as the conversation is closed for me. It doesn’t resonate like it used to either, so his words don’t hold the same power over me.

I hope for you it’s a very short phase and he realises he’s being a dick

All I can say is that when my XH left (with a boot up his bum) I felt like I could breathe properly for the first time in years. I felt like you do that first day of a holiday, when you step onto the sand and hear the sea and feel the breeze on your face and your whole body relaxes.

He may be depressed 😔 approach gently best policy 🤔

How old is he?

He’s been moody since you had a baby?

So likely he resents the changes that having a baby have meant for him

He doesn’t like that your main focus isn’t him any more. That the conversation has been babies and toddlers etc for two years. That he’s expected to do more things he doesn’t want to do. Gets less sex? Do you still make time for each other? Have date nights?

My guess is all the moodiness stems from this. He’s handling it like a toddler, so it looks like you’ll have to address it with him. Maybe get him out on your own together and ask him what’s going on.

Being honest also I think quite a number of men wouldn’t have found chatter about their in-laws new baby at all interesting at a time they were out enjoying themselves with friends. Was he irritated that your sister turned up and the chat turned to babies do you think?

How is he as a father? Is he projecting the feelings he has for his own child/situation with that comment? As a previous poster said, could he be pissed off with family and baby talk and just wants to shut it down. Has family life not been what he thought it would be and he’s quietly angry about it?

Not interested in your family, grumpy and sulking when you show interest in them, become worse since your dc was born, criticising you for no reason, you are tiptoeing around him because you don't want to upset him because he's in a bad mood...

I'm reading these as significant red flags. This is how abusive and manipulative behaviour works. He's not happy when he doesn't have your attention and so he is basically punishing you for it.

I might be wrong, but the pattern seems right to me.

OP, his mask has slipped now you have a child and you see what a nasty unpleasant man he is.

Do not have another child with him.
Keep your family and friends close and tell them what a prick he is.

Get back to work full-time and get yourself organised to leave.

Do not spend your life with a man who treats you badly.

It's very rude and petulant to say he doesn't care about a child of the extended family. Babies are babies, people don't always have to be excited about fussing over them but it was an unpleasant thing to express. He needs to explain why he's being so grouchy and how he intends to be more civil and pleasant to be around. Whether that's addressing his mental health or what. I wouldn't tolerate this indefinitely.

He's sucking the joy out of you and will probably do the same to your child.

Unless there is medical resin for him acting like a prize chump and being miserable then I'd give him the boot and find someone who has a zest for life, is interested and engaged with others and doesn't embarrass you out in public.

How could you be overthinking? He said an aggressive, strange and inappropriate thing, deliberately, in public.

You need to confront him but I sense you’re scared to?

Do not understand what depression has to do with being rude and obnoxious. His comment was horrible OP and I am surprised you did not talk to him about it right away. The way I see it, this is definitely a red flag. I am not saying LTB, but definitely address this. Can you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life worried what you DH is going to say when in company of other people? Think about this.

Was he fully on board with becoming a parent?