I am a recent divorcee and have recently got back with my ex-partner from 20 years ago that I dated for eight years and lived with for seven years. We split up as I was going through a period of poor mental health due to my only sibling dying from a genetic illness. He really wanted to try again back then but I later started dating the man who became my husband and father of my children. Looking back, I felt my ex-husband manipulated the situation and taunted my ex-partner. My ex-partner has remained mostly single for the past 20 years and three years after we split, he was diagnosed with cancer and whilst he thankfully made a full recovery the treatment left him infertile. He has no children of his own.
After separating from my husband, I bumped into my ex-partner in the supermarket and after much persuasion on my part he reluctantly agreed to meet me for a drink. We chatted and got on well and soon started seeing each other at least a couple of times a week. He made it very clear he only wanted friendship, when I tried suggesting a weekend away whilst my children were with their dad. He said that he really liked me a friend but couldn’t give me anything more as I gave his future to another man. He said lets just see where it goes as he might change his mind in time. I was taken aback and upset but accepted that he was just protecting himself. I still see him most weekends, but he seemed to have no desire to meet my three children or spend time with me when they are at home with me. I asked him if he would like to come to my house for Christmas and after some consideration, he accepted asking what to buy my children without going over the top. I am hoping that spending time with all of us might make him more interested.
Last week my children invited my ex-husband to come to my house on Christmas day and open presents in the morning and have lunch with them. He messaged me and I found it hard to say no seeing as our children had asked him. He then asked if his brother, my former sister-in-law and nice could come in the afternoon to give the children their presents. My ex-husband is likely to make comments to try and wind up my ex partner and could potentially make the day very uncomfortable. I feel that my children’s lack of consulting me has taken over a Christmas that I wanted to spend trying to bond with my ex-partner.
I told my ex-partner what had happened, and I received a text message earlier today saying he will no longer to be coming to mine for Christmas. He said he didn’t want to be there if my ex-husband was there and it is easiest if he stays away so there is not a sour atmosphere. When I asked him what he would be doing instead, he said watching TV and perhaps do some admin work for his business. I am really upset as my ex-husband is now getting in the way of the future I want to try for. What should I do?