So I've been seeing someone for about 3 years. Both mid 40s.
He has diagnosed ADHD and severe anxiety and panic attacks. He is still waiting on getting ADHD medication after diagnosis, and hasn't found anti-anxiety meds that work for him, as SSRIs make the panic much worse. We hope both of these things will change in the next six months.
He recently started CBT therapy and EMDR, which he says are helping although I don't see any behavioural changes yet.
When he is not in the grip of one or other of these conditions, he is kind, funny, affectionate, generous and a pleasure to be around. And then I love spending time with him and being together.
When he's in overwhelm from one or more of them, he's chaotic, emotionally dysregulated, gets very distressed and is generally very hard work. And I find it very upsetting and am quite regularly in tears as a result of his behaviour.
I love him very much, and he loves me, but I have been clinging on to the hope that the ADHD meds will help him calm, focus, be consistent and more reliable. I would like to settle down and if it isn't going to be with him I need to start thinking about moving on. No children between us and no intention to have any.
I'm also struggling with whether it makes me a horrible person if I do walk away, because I know it's not his fault he has mental illnesses, but it really is very hard to cope with at times and has quite a big impact on my life.
Would love to hear anyone's advice on
- how medication helped you or your partner manage your ADHD symptoms
- what anxiety meds worked for you or a partner - which aren't SSRIs
- what kinds of therapy were most helpful in dealing with anxiety or panic symptoms, or reducing impact of ADHD traits.
Or anything else constructive that might help.
Thanks.