Feeling so sad and lonely today ..

[bionaacv]

I am recently divorced. My parents died many years ago when I was in my early twenties. I am 51 now. My exh cheated and has no real interest in our kids.. two of whom have sn.
Today I am crying intermittently. I can't understand why. Maybe it's nearly Christmas and I'm single and sad for the life I thought I would have with my
Kids and husband . Maybe I miss my parents and the support they would have shared.
I've done loads of therapy but
Memories of my parents , lovely memories, are flooding my mind today. I can't seem to shake this and wonder what the hell is wrong with me .
Any thoughts?

I’m so sorry @bionaacv - I haven’t any wise words of wisdom (hopefully someone else will be along shortly with some pearls) but just a handhold and a hug from me x

I’ve been feeling much the same today OP if it’s any consolation

a lovely sunset reminded me of my late Dad ❤️

Feeling like this is perfectly normal OP

Try and just sit with the lovely memories and take joy from them.

Can you proactively arrange to see some friends or do something nice for yourself?

I’ve been feeling sad today too. I think it’s hard running up to Christmas when you have lost loved ones. I see it as a family time and it’s hard when you don’t have parents or a DH/DP.
I don’t have experience of children with sn but that must be very hard without their Dad’s help.
I can’t make things better but sending hugs & reminding you that you are not alone. Christmas isn’t an amazing time for everyone like it sometimes seems.

There is nothing wrong with you - you are grieving. You've had a lot of loss. Divorce is a painful loss of everything you had hoped for, and brings up the sadness of losing your parents young and all that you and they did not get to experience together.

Grief is a natural human response to loss and it is healthy to acknowlege your feelings and be compassionate towards yourself for feeling this way. Definitely nothing wrong with you!

No wonder you’re crying. My heart breaks for you. Don’t put pressure on yourself to feel great-you need lots of self-care and time. Can you think of some of the simple things in life that give you comfort? Next, can you think of how many opportunities you have to do some of these things more often?

Christmas puts an additional pressure on everybody-all these adverts showing happy families et cetera et cetera

You take care-you’re not alone in eeling how you do

Losing your parents at a young age is incredibly sad OP. I lost my mum decades too soon and if I let myself dwell on all I missed - all she missed- it feels pretty overwhelming. I think its fine to 'sit with' your loss and memories and the sadness of it. Its part of you and you've had to build your life around it and for the most part, I'm sure you do. The odd day of grieving what might have been is understandable. I think the same can be said of your marriage. However, try not to think in terms of the way your life has 'turned out' rather, the way its turned out so far. At 51 with luck you have half your adult life still ahead of you. There's still a lot to play for and you've no idea what happiness may be in store.

There's nothing wrong with you. I'm the same.
An unwanted divorce, it fundamentally changes you and robs you of a future that you wanted. Especially at this time of year.
It's rubbish. Sorry.

I've been feeling the same for most of December.

I think Christmas exaggerates your usual feelings. So if you're happy, you're happier. And if you're less than happy, it makes everything seems worse.

My ExH left years and years ago and I ended my last relationship over two years ago. I've never felt like this before.

I think menopause has seriously affected me. I just feel poorly all the time and that's making me feel demotivated, unhappy and ultimately a bit lonely.

I really hope you feel better soon OP 🤞🏻

Sorry you feel like this OP. It's absolutely understandable to cry and feel the deep sadness and loss for a life you thought you were going to have.

I can relate. I separated from ExH and we are co-parenting but there is a lot unresolved. My family of origin are very toxic and I've had to cut contact. I feel like just no one is there for me. I'm leaning on the handful of friends and other mums I know even just for friendly casual company. I'm taking pleasure in small things and seeing my DC excited for Christmas.

Be kind to yourself.

I really feel for you and sorry you feel like this. Be reassured that it is totally normal, given what you have been through and this crappy time of year - run up to Christmas, no sunlight, everyone is supposed to be happy and we us mums aren't supposed to talk about suffering.

Be kind to yourself and if it happens on a more than occassional basis, perhaps talk to your GP about how you are feeling? They might be able to suggest some help for you. Sending you big hugs.

There's nothing at all wrong with you. You're missing people you love. 💐

You sound like a wonderful strong person who is dealing with a lot on your own. Try and take comfort as I do that if my parents were still alive they would be supporting me, and that you will always have their love.
You will get through this

I am so sorry you are feeling like this OP. Christmas really can play havoc with your emotions especially with memories of Christmas past. I can only say I hope these memories will become a treasure to you and will not continue to bring sadness.

I’m feeling sad today too op. I lost my sister when she was in her 30’s then I lost my niece last year (her DD) when she was 35. Both of pneumonia which can be treatable but both sought help too late.

I think because it’s meant to be a happy time of year, it actually end up being the opposite because of what’s expected.

What you’re feeling is totally normal. It will never go but it will pass when life returns to ‘normal’ after Christmas.

Edited to add - don’t underestimate losing a parent when you’re young. My mum lost her mum young & it changed her life forever. Go easy on yourself & let yourself grieve.

This, take care op