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Applecider96 · 2024-12-15T10:00:16+00:00

How do people watch porn with their partners and not get insecure?

Original poster

Applecider96 · 15/12/2024 18:37

YesterdaysFuture · 15/12/2024 17:43

OP, you have said you don't like watching it with him, pretty much everyone here has told you to tell him that you don't want to watch it with him, you have disregarded those opinions and instead persist with this line of how you can force yourself to enjoy it/not feel insecure.

If there's a category of "verticle" that makes it seem like the viewer is actually having sex with a man, suggest to him whether he would want to watch that with you, whether that would make him feel insecure.

Essentially if there's something (sexually) that he wants to do that you don't (and in this case watching porn together), tell him. Don't put up with it, don't force yourself into liking it, and if he doesn't want to accept that it makes you uncomfortable that says a lot more about the relationship and him.

I have never watched it with him. It disgusts me that he watches it and how normalised it is by people.

OP posts:

Yankadoodledoo · 15/12/2024 19:09

He sends memes like "small boobs are bread, big boobs are garlic bread" when I don't have big boobs so I don't understand where his heads at

Gross. He sounds like he’s 14.

YesterdaysFuture · 15/12/2024 19:27

Well that changes the context of the thread completely as the original message was "how do people watch porn with their partners ..."

Jazzjazzjazz · 15/12/2024 19:49

Applecider96 · 15/12/2024 16:49

How did you get to the point of not being bothered? Have you ever felt insecure that he is pleasuring himself over another woman that isn't you? If they have warm blooded girlfriends I don't see why he would need to watch it. I wish I could be ok with it but I can't seem to have the same mindset. I struggle to understand how someone is comfortable with their partner pleasuring themselves over someone else

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Make it a boundary, and if it doesn’t suit him, find someone better. Do not lower your boundaries in a bid to look unfazed/ giving/ cool.

Sex is bonding, and to feel like porn ruins that bond, hurts you or makes you insecure is part of your design as someone to whom sex is a part of love. You’ll get all sorts of opinions on here from all sorts of people- many who don’t have the mindset you do.

I was with sonoene for years and tried to fulfil all his fantasies, but once they cross your boundaries they keep on pushing and wanting more and more, they also tell themselves that it doesn’t bother you in the slightest as you let it be part of your sex life. As someone said, porn is for the male gaze, Try choosing a video of a man wanking an moaning and see how long he wants to watch that, especially one with a bigger cock than his and fitter body. Why subject yourself to what he himself would be unlikely to want to engage with, something that would lower his attraction to you most likely. My ex ended up wanting porn all the time, I could never get him alone in the end, it made me deep down miserable as for me sex was about love and intimacy and the passion we started out on, it seemed got lost in his lust for many other women.

I’m so glad I dumped him in the end as I honestly started to hate him and despite having a very high sex drive, I started to lose my drive for him because I knew what it would end up being about. He didn’t just want porn, he wanted to me talk to him about other women and what they look like and what they’re doing to him etc. despite me dressing up and doing all sorts with him, it seemed he just needed other women also in the mix. There is a problem with porn, not just because it’s exploitation, but for men who are focusing their attentions elsewhere it can ruin the romantic bond. You have to decide what you want, not what a load of random women on here would tolerate. Be aware that once you go down the porn route, if you then take it away he will likely resent you, and if you don’t take it away, then its going to be an expected part of your sex life together.

NameChanges123 · 15/12/2024 20:10

He makes you feel like shit. No amount of 'validation' of what he's doing is going to change that for you.

Put yourself and your self-esteem first and don't put up with this bollocks.

I could never be with a bloke like this! 🤮

Original poster

Applecider96 · 15/12/2024 20:24

YesterdaysFuture · 15/12/2024 19:27

Well that changes the context of the thread completely as the original message was "how do people watch porn with their partners ..."

I guess that's my bad wording it wrong. It wasn't asking how to do it, it was asking how people can do it

OP posts:

SleeplessInWherever · 15/12/2024 20:29

Applecider96 · 15/12/2024 16:49

How did you get to the point of not being bothered? Have you ever felt insecure that he is pleasuring himself over another woman that isn't you? If they have warm blooded girlfriends I don't see why he would need to watch it. I wish I could be ok with it but I can't seem to have the same mindset. I struggle to understand how someone is comfortable with their partner pleasuring themselves over someone else

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To be honest I don’t think I’ve ever been bothered. My ex husband watched it too (not why he’s my ex), and it didn’t bother me throughout our relationship either.

I’d be bothered if it was someone they knew, someone they had met/would meet, or if it was somehow personally for them. But random porn watching just doesn’t hit my limit.

If it does hit yours (which it seems to), it’s absolutely okay to make it a non-negotiable in your relationship, we’ve all got different boundaries and wherever they are they shouldn’t budge!

Jazzjazzjazz · 16/12/2024 08:05

SleeplessInWherever · 15/12/2024 20:29

To be honest I don’t think I’ve ever been bothered. My ex husband watched it too (not why he’s my ex), and it didn’t bother me throughout our relationship either.

I’d be bothered if it was someone they knew, someone they had met/would meet, or if it was somehow personally for them. But random porn watching just doesn’t hit my limit.

If it does hit yours (which it seems to), it’s absolutely okay to make it a non-negotiable in your relationship, we’ve all got different boundaries and wherever they are they shouldn’t budge!

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My first boyfriend also watched porn and it didn’t bother me either, it was reasonably discreet and he made me feel like I was everything to him. That’s not the topic, the topic is making it a part of your sex life. My last ex did make it a part of the sex life, and I can assure you you’d feel very different if your boyfriend was harping on about other women and their attractiveness and what he wants them to do to him constantly, whether you knew them or not! With some men it is an unhealthy obsession. In the future I wouldn’t be interested in someone that thought porn was a healthy outlet, it’s not for me