Trigger warning Suicide - My ex attempted suicide [Title edited by MNHQ]

[lifeistrick]

My ex attempted suicide, he is still alive.

We have a child together.

I only just found out.

He did it a few days ago. But is still admitted to hospital. I have been reading the threads on here and most people seem to be released fairly quickly?

I feel so helpless, I knew he was struggling with work, and life. But he just pushed me away.

I'm glad he is still alive, but feel so sad things have got to this point.

What am I meant to say / do?

He has a new partner, I feel sorry that she is having to go through this, as she is a single mother too.

[Post edited by MNHQ]

He will be assessed by the mental health team before discharge. He has a new partner, so she can help him. Does he have supportive family?

He’s your ex lovely, but also your child’s dad so of course this is upsetting and conflicting for you. My advice would be to focus on your dc, and step back a little. He’s obviously been in a bad place for a while, but at least now he’s getting the help he needs. This is a huge shock for everyone.

Thank you this is some good advice.

He has no family, at all.

I really hope his new gf can be supportive and look after him, but they have only been dating a few months. So I would understand if this was a bit much.

I will look after my daughter and keep in communication with him. He knows I am here and would help, but I do not think he would ever ask this of me.

He lives around 1.5 hours away.

Having had two people try suicide, one successfully, I know how the guilt will hit you in waves but years later, all I can say is there is nothing you can do. The successful one was deliberate, she left notes on items to be passed to people, of which I was one and birthday cards for people whose birthday was that month, the other was a cry for help which was heard and he recovered.

I found it easiest with the latter to treat him as I always treated him, not to tread on eggshells and eventually he spoke about it, we both had a bloody good cry and moved on. However everyone is different and however you choose to deal with this and move forward is the right thing for you and your child and let no one tell you different.

Please be kind to yourself in the coming weeks.

Thank you.

In my heart I think this was a 'call for help'

So I hope he is able to make the changes he needs too.

I just feel really sad about the whole situation and how it has got to this point.

I have been upset with him recently as he has not seen our child very much (around once a month).

I guess I need to not have any expectations of him, And no pressure? He needs to focus on getting better.

No, he eventually text me.

We don't speak everyday, so didn't think it out of the ordinary not hearing from him.

Then when I didn't get a response, to a message RE our child I thought it was a bit strange.

He text after he had been admitted for 3 days. I guess this would have sorted him out a bit by them. I still don't even know what/ how he overdosed.

I'm not close with any of his friends and he has no family, so if I didn't hear it from him I don't know who would have told me tbh.

@BigPorker he has told me they have taken the detail of his child, so I guess I may hear from SS at some point.

I was worried about MH support moving forward. I imagine at Christmas the Crisis team are very very busy and he may slip through the net.

[Removed by MNHQ]

I just can't really see him changing, he has been troubled his whole life and controls it to a varying degree. This is the first time this has happened though.

He always used to promise he would never do it. But that says something that we have had this conversation.

I agree with PP’s, focus on your child and perhaps check on with him via text every day or two, just to let him know that you’re there for him.

Based on my own experience, I’d protect your child from what’s happened for as long as possible. Even if their logic tells them that Dad was ill and couldn’t help it, it’s very hurtful to realize that a parent was willing to leave you this way. You never fully trust them again. Of course they can know that he’s ill, but perhaps you can shield them from details until they’re older.

Thank you.

Child is only 4, and used to not seeing him regularly.

So I can definitely hide all of this from her, for now!

Thank for all these responses.

I was feeling a little lost/ overwhelmed, thinking is it my responsibility to step in and 'save' him?! Not even sure what form that would take.

But most people seem to be saying..

1. if he really wanted to do it he would, theres not much I can do
2. his new partner can help him
3. concentrate on our child

I have text him and told him I am here for him if he needs me. I can see he is overwhelmed with his life, (he has made some painful decisions) inc getting in a lot of debt unnecessarily.

I need to protect the little bubble around my child.

I know this might sound harsh but it's not your problem to solve. You are doing your job looking after yourself and your child. Unfortunately you can't change him and because he's your ex, you shouldn't try. Understandably it's a big shock. Focus on keeping things stable for your child and yourself during this. Your ex has a girlfriend and has family and his doctor etc. for support. If it was an abusive relationship between you both, it is even more important to leave it be. He's in the right place and so are you

Be sure also it isn't a domestic violence thing if ye did split in that way. If it is, it is so important to concentrate on your own needs because those type of relationships only get worse. I've been in that place, feeling like helping my ex through stuff. Centre yourself, take a deep breath, do what you need to do for yourself and your child.

It's not selfish, it's keeping things stable for everyone

Hope you are ok!!

No domestic violence. But very manipulative.

I have kept my distance whist being supportive.

Hopefully he can get the help he needs!

Focussing on our child!

Ya, my son and I are in a much better place now thankfully. We left around 10 years ago. Safety order still in place but all is going well thankfully. Some things need to me managed rather than cured i think. Sounds like you're on the right track, being supportive but from a distance, while ye'r child is being looked after. And he's getting professional help too. All you can do really