Over the years I've become more and more critical of my husband in both every day things and in general how he is in our relationship.
I don't like that trait or how it's impacting our relationship or who I am as a person.
I'm not sure why I've shifted. I think it's in part that I've worked really hard on changing aspects of myself - I'm a long way from perfect but I'm a very different person than I was say 20 years ago. He hasn't grown as much. Maybe when I had a lower self esteem I was more tolerant and expected less.
Due to changing life circumstances we have in many ways swapped roles but I feel like he's struggled to do what I need of him so I'm stressed and overwhelmed. When I try to talk about it he doesn't want to engage and help us find a workable way forward - he gets angry, blaming and withdraws. In return I'm more and more emotionally and physically withdrawing.
I feel like we are now both stuck in a negative pattern - I'm sure that each of us plays a part in that - I'm hardly blameless. I'm not sure how to criticise less without just disengaging and then many things will be invisible and just slide to me - leaving me feeling resentful .
Have you experienced this dynamic and what has worked in terms of shifting it to a more positive and productive space.