Here we go again…

Copperoliverbear · 14/12/2024 22:28

Get rid of him, you and your kids will be better off, he's a loser and you and your children deserve better x

Justmuddlingalong · 14/12/2024 22:28

If you've got kids there's never a best time to split. But there comes a stage where staying together benefits nobody.
I'm sorry you're going through this again, but he seems to think he can get away with his behaviour.
Prove him wrong 💐

xTheLoudLeaderx · 14/12/2024 22:28

It’s never a nice time to split up but it’s also horrible to be with someone who’s on a dating site, again ! Are you choosing not to confront him because you know he will sweep it under the rug again ? Be strong !

Original poster

sparkleqween · 14/12/2024 22:43

Thanks for your replies.

I think I’m avoiding dealing with it because I don’t want to upset him… but he’s the one that’s upset me. I just need to be brave and do it for myself and my family sake.

Crazy that I’ve put up with his crap long enough but don’t feel brave enough to stand up for myself and my feelings.

OP posts:

RubyRedBow · 14/12/2024 22:47

If you don’t stand up then he will keep doing it. He got away with it before so he has no respect for you.

xTheLoudLeaderx · 14/12/2024 22:49

That’s really sad to read. He’s on a dating site and you don’t want to confront him because he’ll be upset ?
How did you find out ? I had a suspicion my ex was and he was been weird with his phone, I didn’t know his passcode but I searched for the app in the search bar on the Home Screen and it was there downloaded, when I saw that I confronted him straight away and that was the end of it. Zero respect and I lost all respect for him.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/12/2024 22:53

' you don't want to upset him '

oh dear

you have your priorities wrong

it's not about him / his feelings

it's about you / your feelings / your trust / the betrayal

' partner ' so not husband ?

are the children his ?

Original poster

sparkleqween · 14/12/2024 22:54

I found out the first time on Facebook through a “are we dating the same guy” page. A girl posted him and a few girls replied saying they’d spoke to him over time. The second time, one of my friends work colleagues seen him so I made a fake account and found him myself, even chatted to him for a bit before calling him out (he doesn’t know that though).

But you’re totally right, he’s technically got away with it twice now 🙄 so zero respect from him! Life is too short to put up with this

OP posts:

Original poster

sparkleqween · 14/12/2024 22:55

No, not married but child is his. We also don’t own a home so no finances to split.

OP posts:

Elizo · 14/12/2024 22:59

sparkleqween · 14/12/2024 22:19

I’ve recently caught my partner on dating sites for the second time this year. The first time I caught him there was a family emergency so the situation was swept under the carpet. Fast forward 5/6 months (maybe less, I’ll never know) and he’s back on them.

He knew I wasn’t sure of my decision last time so I was shocked to see him back on them (so soon anyway - had a feeling it would happen again).

Anyway, Christmas is coming and we’re kinda speaking again for the kids but haven’t addressed the situation. It’s not the nicest time to split but when is… can anyone give me any advice or support to deal with this? I don’t want to be a doormat to this man. Please don’t judge me, my heads a mess as it is.

Complete lack of respect for you. You should definitely leave. He’s basically saying he wants to split?

Elizo · 14/12/2024 23:00

sparkleqween · 14/12/2024 22:55

No, not married but child is his. We also don’t own a home so no finances to split.

Not too tricky then. Really sorry this has happened though

unsync · 14/12/2024 23:28

sparkleqween · 14/12/2024 22:43

Thanks for your replies.

I think I’m avoiding dealing with it because I don’t want to upset him… but he’s the one that’s upset me. I just need to be brave and do it for myself and my family sake.

Crazy that I’ve put up with his crap long enough but don’t feel brave enough to stand up for myself and my feelings.

Why do you care about upsetting him? Is he dangerous? He obviously doesn't care about you. If you are safe, don't waste any more time on him. Don't brush it under the carpet again. Stop making excuses and get rid of him. The timing is not ideal, but things are not going to be great if you have to pretend anyway.

Yankadoodledoo · 14/12/2024 23:40

Op there tends to be a belief that cheaters want to be forgiven. Some don’t. They want to be dumped, which is why they do it.

Your guy isn’t even hiding it. He’s going on websites openly looking to cheat. Of course people spotted him. And despite you finding out he’s done it again. He obviously wants out.

Mrsgreen100 · 15/12/2024 00:06

It’s not just dating sites surely he is cheating
get rid and no time is the best kick his cheating arse out
oh and don’t sleep with him !!
he’s probably not responsible with protecting himself
you know what u have to do
good luck 🤞

Original poster

sparkleqween · 15/12/2024 00:08

Yankadoodledoo · 14/12/2024 23:40

Op there tends to be a belief that cheaters want to be forgiven. Some don’t. They want to be dumped, which is why they do it.

Your guy isn’t even hiding it. He’s going on websites openly looking to cheat. Of course people spotted him. And despite you finding out he’s done it again. He obviously wants out.

I never even thought of it this way!

More of a push for me to be brave and do what’s right for me.

OP posts:

Cosmosforbreakfast · 15/12/2024 00:12

He's not on there for chit chat. Get yourself an STD test and end the relationship.

Starlia · 15/12/2024 00:17

I would use this time now to begin quietly getting ready to split. What would that in reality look like? Would you be asking him to leave? Do you need support, financial or otherwise? Will your childcare arrangements need to change?
Just focus on sorting what you need to, so that after Christmas you can split, all the logistics are already in place, and you can focus on moving on.
This is not a man who is worthy of your time and attention.

Yankadoodledoo · 15/12/2024 01:46

Google exit affairs. And he will still probably object to splitting and promise to change because it’s part of of it.

When people treat you badly, they want to split up.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 01:49

sparkleqween · 14/12/2024 22:54

I found out the first time on Facebook through a “are we dating the same guy” page. A girl posted him and a few girls replied saying they’d spoke to him over time. The second time, one of my friends work colleagues seen him so I made a fake account and found him myself, even chatted to him for a bit before calling him out (he doesn’t know that though).

But you’re totally right, he’s technically got away with it twice now 🙄 so zero respect from him! Life is too short to put up with this

Haven't read all the posts but omg girl, you need to throw this one back!!

He's a player and you don't deserve to be treated like this!

You may decide to wait until after Christmas for the sake of the children, but get this loser gone! x

Amaranthasweetandfair · 15/12/2024 04:14

Presumably he has one foot out of the door anyway if he's looking round on dating sites. You're just making it happen on your terms, the family will be split anyway. So don't hesitate for that reason.