Am I just being jealous?

[Pinkxmas1997]

Long story short.. my(27) OH(28) is friends with a woman(40 something) and her DH that own our local pub. My OH and this woman often message/chat on the phone which has never bothered me..because platonic opposite sex friendships do exist. They have been friends for a few years.

HOWEVER this woman has a reputation for being loose outside of her marriage. I have recently been cautious of her as I feel a weird vibe when I speak to her. Like some kind of resentment but I didn’t know why?

We were at a friends event recently with our baby, she asked if she could hold the baby which was fine. We are all chatting and my OH asked her if she thought she would have any more kids. She then replied that her husband had the snip, but if he wanted to follow her to the disabled toilet she would have one of his. She said this twice..infront of me..while holding my baby?

We left shortly after because this was obviously awkward..but I just can’t shake the feeling that she said it twice?? Is she trying to send me a message? Or am I just hormonal and jealous of a vulgar fly away comment?

It sounds to me like she was upset by your OHs question and was trying to turn it into a joke rather than being upset in front of everyone but it's hard to say without tone and facial expressions etc.

What did your partner say/think?

That's such a horrible thing to say! It's not your hormones, she's being a dick! It sounds like she's testing the waters and see how you would react and if you're capable of holding your boundaries? I'd tell my partner that she crossed a line and she's no friend of his or yours and that it's best you both cut ties and don't go back to that pub/message.

I feel this comment is way of the mark .

Is it not possible she meant it in a “God, your baby is absolutely adorable” way?

Perhaps she’s a little sad she’ll have no more.

We both sort of awkwardly laughed..I was just so taken aback by it because I don’t speak like that😂 she also has young kids so wasn’t like it was a weird question to ask

That was such a dreadful thing for her to say. How did your DH react?

I certainly wouldn't be happy about her and your DH messaging each other after hearing that invitation she gave him.

I would be asking him to step back from his friendship with her.

I did say to him that I’m no longer comfortable in her company so I would be avoiding her at all costs. He agreed with how I feel and hasn’t said anything about her since

I never thought about this point of view to be honest

It can be an upsetting question for many people and some people can come across as rude when trying to answer it with humour to stop themselves being upset. There are regular threads on Mumsnet alone about the topic.

But as I say you were there you know her tone etc and you know if she usually makes comments like that or did it sound flirty, what was her body language etc.

Was your partner uncomfortable? Does he think he should stay away from her?

Whether she meant it or you're 'just jealous' though, you're absolutely not wrong to be upset and your feelings are your feelings and you're allowed to have them! I'm sorry it upset you.

I find a lot of babies adorable. I have never offered to fuck their fathers in a toilet for people with disabilities.

This is how I read it - that she was joking about wanting his because your baby was so gorgeous.

She invited us out recently and I obviously said I wouldn’t be going but it was upto him if he wanted to go. He didn’t, we had a night in instead. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say that I don’t want him to continue the friendship..I feel like that’s got to come from him? Out of respect for me

This^😂😂😂

Well you said you were both awkward when she made this remark. That he understood when you said you weren't comfortable being in her company in future. That he hasn't spoken about her since and didn't accept her social invitation when you gave him the opportunity to do so.
But whilst all of the above looks as though he is very anxious to placate you and reassure you it doesn't really give any indication of how he now feels towards this woman.
Do you know if he has actually stopped messaging her? Because if he is still doing so but he is just not telling you he is doing so then I would find this really worrying.
If he now became secretive about his friendship with her because he knows you are uncomfortable after she has indicated a sexual interest in him then that would be worrying.
So where as I understand you don't want to ask him to cool his friendship with her because you would rather such a move came from him I really think you should discuss his friendship with her. So you are both clear where he stands on this and that he has boundaries in place.