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Relationships

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Original poster

Should I leave? There's no trust left for me..

26 replies

Kaybayx · 14/12/2024 13:10

Hi ladies, sorry if this is long. So I'm in 2 minds on what to do here. Basically I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now and I caught him on a dating app. I forgave him but then he done it again. He said he hadn't messaged anyone on there (I don't know if that's true) so after the 2nd time I went through his phone (I know I shouldn't have but I needed to know for certain) and there was multiple emails off multiple dating sites, I think I counted 4? Then when I was going through his phone, again I know I shouldn't have but I seen he had been talking to girls and paying for their nudes. He says that's not technically cheating which maybe to some people it's not, but to me that is why is he paying for another girls nudes? And this is after I've already told him I'd leave him for good if he does it again, he just seems to keep doing it.. I'm thinking it's maybe because I've broke up with him the 1st time I seen him on a dating app and I took him back he's thinking il always take him back no matter what. He also has 2 kids from a previous relationship and he goes to her house for a while when the kids arnt even there. That also bothers me. They still go out on 'family days out' maybe I'm overreacting to that bit? I don't know but he thought I saw their conversations when I looked through his phone (I didn't) and he said its just 'harmless flirting' what the hell does that mean?? Honestly, I really don't trust him anymore but I really love him. Should I forgive and forget or leave and move on?

OP posts:

3luckystars · 14/12/2024 13:12

He will definitely do it again.
You will be kicking yourself then for wasting more time on him.
I’m sorry he has let you down. It’s awful.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 14/12/2024 13:14

You're wasting your life on this complete loser, OP. He lies and cheats. You can't trust him at all. You deserve so much more than this.

toasterbath · 14/12/2024 13:26

I mean honestly? You're only dating and he's playing these games. You don't trust him - there's no positive relationship here, don't waste anymore time. Leave. You deserve better. And when you find that you'll be glad you left so you could have what you deserve.

toasterbath · 14/12/2024 13:27

Contrary to popular belief and love songs - love is not all you need.

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 14/12/2024 13:28

Throw him back and embrace the festivities. He sounds awful.

RosesAndHellebores · 14/12/2024 13:29

If you have to ask, yes you should.
Find yourself someone honest and loyal.

northernlight20 · 14/12/2024 13:29

Only 9months in and this is him trying to impress you?? Dread to think just how bad he’ll get when he’s got his feet under the table. Get rid and don’t ever take him back, raise the bar op cos I don’t know how you have actually tolerated this nonsense in the first place.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 14/12/2024 13:33

Now you know why he had an ex... Make him your ex for good...

babyproblems · 14/12/2024 13:34

Bin him off. He’s untrustworthy which after 9 months is pretty inexcusable .. not worth hanging onto it.

itsmylife7 · 14/12/2024 13:37

You told him you'd leave if he did it again,he did it again,and you didn't leave.

He's really not going to change so either leave him, or carry on the relationship.

I suppose it depends how much you respect yourself OP.

category12 · 14/12/2024 13:52

All this and you've only been together a few months?!

Come on OP. It should be the honeymoon period between you right now, this should be when you're showing each other your best. Instead he's chasing other women and probably still shagging his ex.

Just dump the fucker already.

ConsuelaHammock · 14/12/2024 13:53

Leave him. He will have done the same to the mother of his children.

Hatty65 · 14/12/2024 13:53

Dump and move on.

This is as good as it will ever get with him. He's not worth it.

Catoo · 14/12/2024 14:01

Get rid.

Atinybird · 14/12/2024 14:15

Perhaps you could try to imagine this happening 20 years down the line, when you possibly have children and have made allowances for him all through the years?
He will not change. He doesn’t respect you. You may have heard the saying, a stitch in time saves nine?
Accept it will hurt and take the satisfaction of telling him he is not good enough for you. Keep your dignity and move on. You have a life ahead of you, don’t waste another day on him.x

WeeOrcadian · 14/12/2024 14:22

I'd you even have to even question it.... Come on OP. You've said there is no trust left.

Throw him back and save yourself heartache.

unsync · 14/12/2024 15:14

Only nine months and already no trust. Didn't need to read any more. Dump.

If this is happening frequently for you, stay single and work out why. Raise your standards and learn how to build boundaries and protect them.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 14/12/2024 15:17

Come on OP - throw this one back. He is a liar and a sleazeball.

Ohshutupalan · 14/12/2024 17:46

I caught my STBXH on a dating website, hence why he is now an ex. You have been with this jerk for a few months and he has done it twice? Come on OP!

something2say · 14/12/2024 17:48

Definitely split up with him. He is not good enough quality love. It is low integrity behaviour and the man is not head over heels for you. Not good enough - next.

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2024 17:52

Oh come on do you really need to ask? Are you really so desperate to have a man that you will tolerate this shit after only a few months?

He’s a liar and a cheat - he pays to see other women naked 🤢 and you think that’s ok in a relationship? He won’t get better it’s who he is. Once you forgive them once you’ve set a precedent for them thinking they can get away with treating you like crap, apologies and you let it go every time.

Seriously OP the fact you need to even think about whether to dump his sleazy arse says that you’re not really in a place to date until you’ve raised your bar from the ground.

WildCats24 · 14/12/2024 17:53

9 months for a still the honeymoon phase. If he’s carrying on like this now, how horrible will he be once things get mundane?

PTSDBarbiegirl · 14/12/2024 17:56

New year, new life. Invest in yourself this guy will leave you in tears all the way down the line. You deserve better.

Dery · 14/12/2024 18:05

“category12 · Today 13:52

All this and you've only been together a few months?!
Come on OP. It should be the honeymoon period between you right now, this should be when you're showing each other your best. Instead he's chasing other women and probably still shagging his ex.
Just dump the fucker already.”

This with bells on. Honestly, @Kaybayx - why is this even a question? What did you learn about relationships growing up that makes you think this guy might be a keeper? He holds himself to very low standards of behaviour. You deserve much better.

NameChanges123 · 14/12/2024 18:28

Take all that 'love' for him and put it towards yourself and your welfare!

You're in for a lifetime of misery with this one... Be strong and ditch him.

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