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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Open relationship

45 replies

hadenough24 · 13/12/2024 16:25

My husband wants an open relationship. Does anyone here have one? Does it work? I'm not keen but he says he needs that extra relationship.

OP posts:

Jostuki · 13/12/2024 18:56

If this was suggested at the start or your relationship BEFORE you got married then you had the option to walk away.

Now he has moved the goal posts after committing to you in marriage and presumably saying marriage vows about forsaking all others etc.

I would dump him as he's already checked out of the relationship with his heart and mind and is now waving his penis around at other women hoping to get lucky.

TwistedWonder · 13/12/2024 18:56

Normallynumb · 13/12/2024 18:54

By open relationship he means an affair!
He's asking for permission to cheat, an open relationship is agreed from the start, if both parties want that

💯- he wants to fuck this woman and he is ants the OP to give her blessing so he’s dressing it up as an open relationship.Honestly these men are as transparent as a window and as shallow as a puddle.

MagpiePi · 13/12/2024 18:57

dontcryformeargentina · 13/12/2024 18:50

Whether you agree or not, he will still do it. So , use this opportunity to explore your options. Why not? He is one foot out anyway

This x100

Yoom · 13/12/2024 19:04

Sounds like he has someone else in mind or already with them and wants it sanctioned, as others have said, it’s not right to spring this midway through a relationship

nodramaplz · 13/12/2024 19:32

Blogswife · 13/12/2024 17:05

Absolutely not. Each to their own but I’d be divorcing him for suggesting it !

Same!
If I'm not enough go find more!!
If I'm too much, go find less!!

MoonWoman69 · 13/12/2024 19:51

@TwistedWonder Absolutely bang on! He's found someone he desperately wants to fuck. Therefore it's ok if the wife wants to do it! The typical hall pass!!!
I don't understand people that enter into open relationships. What is the point of marriage and committing to someone, if all you want to do is shag around! Stay single or end the relationship is the best advice in my mind!
It would be a hard no from me, nothing good can come out of these situations.

Catbabymammy · 13/12/2024 20:20

I very much doubt he is only talking to this woman.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 13/12/2024 20:26

Is he happy for you to put your emotional and physical energy into another man?

AnonAnonmystery · 13/12/2024 21:09

He is pursuing someone without your agreement so if you don’t agree he will basically cheat. He’s putting this new relationship in front of yours so you are in dangerous territory.

AmandeFrance0979 · 14/12/2024 01:02

Just say, "I'm so pleased you said that because I've been shagging Mike down the road for months now." If he's pleased, consider an open relationship. If he's not, you know what this is really all about.

Pinkbonbon · 14/12/2024 01:08

I have to laugh at the fact that so many of these things end up with the wife going out and meeting handsome men, dating, and the guy all on his own because the woman he was trying his luck with has dumped him. All resentful about it.

He doesn't actually want an open relationship. You just watch how quickly he changes his mind if you go out on a date. You'll be hated person number 1 the 'cheating tart' in no time. He just wants to cheat on you and for you to let him.

Fuck that.
Divorce time.

SunflowerTed · 14/12/2024 01:10

I think I’d agree to it as you’ve already lost him x

Pinkbonbon · 14/12/2024 01:12

Thing is though, he's already been giving an emotional affair (at the very least). Open relationships require a great deal of trust. Thus guy has already broken that trust. He can't be relied upon.

Angela59 · 14/12/2024 05:21

Is he maybe trying to coerce you into cuckolding him?

If so that’s manipulative doing it that way.

TammyJones · 14/12/2024 09:31

username299 · 13/12/2024 18:47

IMO you're opening a can of worms. He's already involved with someone and wants to sleep with her. If he doesn't mind you being with other men it sounds like he's disengaged from your relationship.

I've never known a monogamous relationship to survive opening it up. It needs a lot of communication and trust but he's already cheating.

Think very carefully about this.

Big NO from me.
My dh know a couple who do swinging- it's last thing either of us would ever do.
My dh even hates the idea of me ever being , before him , with anyone else.
Bad idea - they're better hobbies.

TipsyJoker · 14/12/2024 09:38

By, “talking” to this other women, (prob more than just talking) he’s already cheating on you at least emotionally. What a scumbag. I’d end the marriage over this. His penis is more important than his wife and kids. He’s not a good guy. You deserve better.

Lurkingandlearning · 14/12/2024 10:04

i haven’t, but from what I have heard from people who have it only works if both partners are keen. And you don’t seem to be.

As he’s already got someone lined up I can’t help but wonder if this is a creative way of ending your relationship without him appearing to be the bad guy in any way. Ask him how many other women the woman he’s chosen is sleeping with. I shall probably be told I’m wrong but I don’t think sleeping with one extra person is an open relationship, it’s not exactly cheating if everyone knows but it does seem like giving a potential new partner a test drive from the safety of a relationship.

So he’s sorted and you need to trawl through the dross to find someone to have sex with to maintain some balance, have your own fun. He doesn’t seem to be concerned about your safety.

And him wanting to watch you have sex with another man is a common kink but it is weird that after all the time you’ve been together he doesn’t know you would have reservations about that. Have you asked him how he’d feel about you watching him fuck his side piece? Would he mind you crunching on crisps or would he prefer you to choose a quieter viewing snack?

Going back to my original point, if you don’t really want to do this, tell him to fuck off.

HappydaysArehere · 14/12/2024 10:12

I would tell him if he wants an open relationship there is the open door. Clear off.

Mumlaplomb · 14/12/2024 10:15

Oh dear. He has already been deceiving you and wants you to rubber stamp this shoddy behaviour. I’m sure you aren’t getting the full truth. I would be bidding him good day at this point to be honest due to the lack of respect. I’m sure he wil be crawling back with tail between his legs when he realises the grass isn’t greener.

unclemtty · 14/12/2024 15:35

Why don't you suggest a threesome with his new woman, watch the colour drain from his smug face!

To be honest you are both adults and can do what you like.
I'm in agreement about genuinely open marriage/relationships being a fairly niche thing and some thing that should be discussed and explored because both of you are keen.

Don't feel you have to shag randomers just because he wants to.

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