awake and anxious you can't trust nobody.

[Pepsican]

In the last 2 months I have left my ex. It has been gradually. The reason why. After 4+ years of mental abuse. Lies. Finding out he's into drugs. Finding out he had a questionable character living with him the last 6 weeks of our relationship. He changed overnight with me in September. He started ignoring me. Talking nonsense. Late to everything. He always had different clothes on yet had no money. He abandoned me and my pleads to be told what was happening were refused. So I was done. Finally could see that he was robbing me of being happy. I finalised that i was finished 2 weeks ago. Every few days I get messages saying he misses me. He's got rid of his house friend and says he's done with all that. But I've been here before with him. He will always fall back of the wagon. I physically can not go back there. He's began saying there's no point to his life. No reasons to keep living. He has a long history of suicidal attempts. Approx 3 times before He's ended up in hospital before our relationship. I know his ex had to save his life the year I met him. He has mental health issues.
Anyway he was messaging yesterday asking if I had something still at mine. I was out shopping and said I'd check later. But by the time I got home he had turned his phone off. Its still off now. Approx 16 hours it's been off.

He has changed his number and been very low..I believe he was under huge pressure with this bloke. But I still can't understand at his age (49) why he allowed any of it.

I had a few dates in the last 10 days with a long term acquaintance who I thought I could trust. I look after his family member and I know all of his family. He has always cared for me and been really sweet towards me. I felt like I could trust in him. He decided to ghost me 2 days ago after arranging another date and messaging me saying how lovely it had been to see me. I messaged him and said whatever his reasons were I'd like things to not be uncomfortable and would appreciate a message to tell me what had changed. I said it was fully OK if he didn't want to continue on with me. But he also ghosted that!

I feel like yesterday was a double whammy. I felt I had a little control back of my life. A little happiness. I wasn't taking things too seriously. But It was massively helping me to have something to smile about after 4 years of heartache. I wish he'd just told me how he felt.

So now I feel extra shit and anxious about both situations.

You possibly need a little time-t just do you. coming out of-walking away from an abusive,liar,drug infused ex is not easy-the controlling threat of self harm..is awful.
Whilst yu as do perhaps want\need another adult/partner yu need time-just to set your own head straight.remember/find out wh you are now.players always play.

Maybe be happy on your own for a while instead

You can survive without a man

Well done for leaving the now ex. Agree with the others - give yourself more time.

I am worried. Worried and tired. I can't take anymore heartache.
I didn't feel much towards the other man. But I didn't expect yesterday at all..he's always been so respectful and communicated well.

Other people are right. You need to forget about men for a while and take some time for yourself to heal.

Don't become someone who richochets from one man to the next in the hope of finding something in the least reliable way.

It's possible that this long standing acquaintance is a dick. It's also possible that, because you're not fully healed from your previous relationship, he picked up on things that gave him pause for thought. An intensity, a fear, etc. Just a 'vibe'. Something you wouldn't even be aware of.

Slow down and focus on yourself for a while.

You're not even properly out of your previous relationship. There is still so much of your mental energy going into all of that. This is the worst possible time to think about dating someone else.
You need time to process and to heal. Give yourself that time. The emotions you're having right now are not forever. You'll get past them. Just don't jump into any other emotionally straining situations right now, until you feel you've found your balance again.

I'm scared I'll never meet anyone and how that will limit my life. I feel sad empty and alone. I guess I'm pathetic.

You're not pathetic - iys quite a normal want isn't it?

Bur do you want to meet someone worth having or just anyone?

Do the work on yourself and then you'll be naturally more discerning because you'll have a nice life and feel good about yourself and will get rid of anyone who threatens that.

Also, decent men won't consider datng a very vulnerable eoman who is not in a good place. Partly because they don't want to get into a relationship with someone vulnerable and partly because they have a nice life and feel good about themselves and don't want anyone who threatens that...

If you just grab at every piece of flotsam and jetsam you encounter, you may well catch one but it could be someone who really does limit your life!