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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He wont accept its over. Didnt know where else to put this sorry

11 replies

Alicew00 · 11/12/2024 16:30

He cheated by texting a few other women a few months ago. I only found out after he denied doing anything and i looked on his phone afterwards.

I ended it straight away and since then i have been telling him its over and the trust is gone and im done. But he turns up at my door knocking for ages and i tell him to f*ck off but he doesnt accept it.
The other night he turns up again and demands to come in because he wants a present back which he gave me for my birthday. We had a little scuffle trying to stop him coming in. And then he cried because he realised he hurt me physically now. Just a red mark on my arm and chest for a few minutes. He said he only turned up so we could talk and he wants the best thing he ever had back, he wants to do the things we used to do when we were together etc...to make him go without more fighting i said ok I'll try but really deep down i dont want him. I was scared. I need help

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/12/2024 16:32

Call the police! Harassment and assault!

ShortColdandGrey · 11/12/2024 16:34

Message him that if he turns up again, you are phoning the police because he is harassing you. I would also log the previous incidents online with the police. Also, stop opening the door to him. If he doesn't leave, phone the police.

Alicew00 · 11/12/2024 16:35

Ok i will

OP posts:
ManchesterGirl2 · 11/12/2024 16:37

Yes, call the police, this is harassment. Log out now with the non emergency number and get their advice.

HPandthelastwish · 11/12/2024 16:38

The police advised me in a similar situation to not open the door. To call through the door for the person to leave my premises, to threaten to call the police because it was harassment and then if that didn't do it to actually call the police.

Text him now and

"I do not wish to be in a relationship with you now or ever. I only agreed last night because I was under duress and you had hurt me. Do not come to my home or workplace. If you do I will be reporting the incident to the police. I will be blocking you from all devices do not try to contact me"

Stormyweatheroutthere · 11/12/2024 16:39

Honestly use the protection available.. The police. He needs told he can't abuse you.

ManchesterGirl2 · 11/12/2024 16:40

IMO this is also verging on stalking behaviour, so you could also contact the Suzy Lamplugh Trust for their advice.

www.suzylamplugh.org/stalking-help-and-advice

TwixForTea · 11/12/2024 16:40

You did the right thing by pacifying him to make him go away.

I would report to the police - in case he returns and it escalates.

Could you get a chain on your door and/or a ring doorbell? You’d feel safer in your home.

Send him a text saying you have made it clear the relationship is over, you do not want him to contact you by phone or sms or come to your home again. Also mention that if he harasses you by standing knocking on your door, or is ever violent towards you again, you will report it to the police.

Alicew00 · 11/12/2024 18:43

I will keep my door shut from now on. I don't want to involve this time ive had them at my door for domestic abuse from another partner years ago. It's just getting embarrassing now.

OP posts:
slightlydistrac · 11/12/2024 18:53

I agree that it would be a good idea to tell the police what happened. If you are on good terms with your neighbours, perhaps ask them if they hear a commotion at your front door, could they please dial 999 straight away.

He doesn't have a key, does he?

Jamlighter · 12/12/2024 10:46

Poster above has it - get a ring doorbell as a priority and tell him you will report him to police if he comes round again

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