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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need help

13 replies

dontuloveitouthere · 11/12/2024 08:15

how to have a conversation with a talking stage where i feel he is emotionally unavailable with my feelings when i try to talk about how i feel. i feel that when i express concerns that i have with him he is neglectful with them but when it comes to him voicing his feelings about me he has no problem with making me feel bad. he also has ghosted me before and left me without an explanation for 3 whole months until coming back into my life. i dont trust him that he wont do it again. the lack of trust makes me not even want to have sex with him. i feel that i have to walk on eggshells around with what i say and do so that i dont upset him. he confuses me a lot when it comes to him joking around or him actually being upset. he considers his own feelings and ego first. he tells me he loves me everyday and i still have yet to meet his parents. his mother doesnt even know about me. he has no ambitions in life and that scares me. he puts absolutely no effort in the relationship. he doesnt plan anything, he doesnt surprise me with anything, in fact he doesnt really show his love for me to anyone who is important in his life. i feel like he does care and love me its just for some reason i feel this deep fear and anxiety about it. in the past i may have lied but they were really small things such as me lying about being a virgin. thats it. i have been going through an awful time with my parents and its almost like he doesnt care. i have lost trust from my parents because i love him so much that i would do anything with risk to just be with him. my parents hate me but him as well. they really hate him. he doesnt have his priorities straight. we are both 18 years old and i have a job and my license. he doesnt have any of that. and he has all the reason to go get it, absolutely nothing to hold him back. he just doesnt want to do it. that scares me for what the future holds if he holds himself with the image of just being nonchalant and just not giving a fuck. im tired of being the man in the relationship. i have never ever once received a gift. he calls me his girlfriend but i dont feel like he treats me as one. he doesnt enjoy doing the typical bf and gf things. he doesnt seem interested with my conversations. i wanna do the cute and slightly cringy things. but i know he wont appreciate or like it. i really love him like so much its just im lost and confused. in the past he has had friends where they talked bad about me in front of him. never once has he said something about it. and when it came to my family and friends hating him i was always the first one to defend him.

OP posts:
Bittenonce · 11/12/2024 08:23

you don’t need to have a conversation, you need to get out. He doesn’t love you, never has, never will. Sounds harsh? Sorry but there’s no easy way to say it.
try to recover your relationship with your parents. But get rid of him, you’re becoming (have become) dependent on someone who really doesn’t give a flying f**k. Please don’t let him define your life and future, find your own with someone who values you.

Mabelface · 11/12/2024 08:25

He's not worth your thoughts or time of day. Get rid, as there is much better out there for you. Focus on you, your future, your friends, having fun, doing stuff and not having anyone holding you back from doing it all.

Your family don't like him with good reason. If this was your best mate, what would you advise her?

LittleGreenDragons · 11/12/2024 08:48

I'm sorry but I could only read half of that. This man doesn't care for you one bit. I suspect he doesn't even like you but likes the feeling of controlling you.

The conversation should go like this.
You: I'm done, this relationship is over.

(Then block him on your phone, walk away, do not contact him or speak to him - your life will be so much better, happier without him in it.)

Hillrunning · 11/12/2024 08:51

For goodness sake! He doesn't like you, you shouldn't like him. This is not a well matched relationship. Sharing your life with someone is supposed to make it better. Just end things and spend a bit of time learning about healthy relationships.

Weyohweyoh · 11/12/2024 08:56

You’re 18 years old and have your whole life ahead. It’s not a fit, move on and find someone better suited to you. It’s not supposed to be so difficult, especially not in the beginning.

Seaoftroubles · 11/12/2024 08:58

OP, you need to part ways. You are very young, why saddle yourself with a deadbeat boyfriend who doesn't care about you and continually upsets you? Bin this one off and walk away, you can do do much better!

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 11/12/2024 09:01

Dump him OP and wait to meet someone who you like as a person and who likes you.

Ludovico · 11/12/2024 09:03

The first mistake was taking him back after he ghosted you for three months. He knows he can beat you - why should he listen to how you feel? Your feelings are irrelevant as you shown him that.

You’re 18 and in a horrible relationship- no wonder your parents are not happy. Leave him and go and get therapy to find out why you allow yourself to be treated like shit

What ever you do - don’t get pregnant by this man

Alalalala · 11/12/2024 09:03

End it immediately, he doesn’t care about you and will never love you. He sounds awful, you don’t want to beg someone that substandard for a scrap of attention.

Your future is very bright away from the toxic mess that he brings to your life. Free yourself now.

Daschund · 11/12/2024 09:09

First answer nailed it. You're 18, go and find yourself free from this weight around your neck.

StrawberryWater · 11/12/2024 09:22

This guy is a loser and not worth your time. Get rid of him and go and live your life a little bit before you realise you're no longer 18 but 40 and wasted the best part of your life on a prat.

Always remember: there's only room for one asshole in your life and that's your own and not badly behaving men with no ambition who treat their gfs like dirt.

nc43214321 · 11/12/2024 09:57

Doesn't sounds like he is right for you at all, it's such early days and all this worry, no thank you. Time to move on and not look back! Focus on you and your career and friends.

BodyKeepingScore · 11/12/2024 10:41

You're 18. This person is not interested in you and you're far too young to be giving him this much time of day. This is not a serious relationship.

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