Just... no idea

[MrsOrMiss]

Morning wise ones, I'll be as brief as I can. I've been married 30 years, we have 2 adult children, put any thoughts of career on hold as husband took jobs overseas slowly becoming more senior. We returned back to the UK because DH needed to make UK contacts to further his career, I started working part time.
5 years on from the return, he's no longer sure that he wants to be married to me. He decided to move out of our home so he could think without distractions. Wanted us to date each other again, to help him decide. Yet, 2 months on, he's even more busy with work, spends more time 'socialising' without me. We do date, but it feels very much like he'd rather be anywhere but with me on the date. We are still having sex - we discussed if either of us would feel used by the other and we carried on. Not going to lie, the sex is amazing and I'm not of a mind that he wants to stay married because we have sex. We're also going through couples therapy with a trained psychologist, which I feel he's just going through the motions. Today he accused me of being possessive with him as he'd like to have dinner dates with other women, just the 2 of them - nothing dodgy going on there he says it's just friends. Told him I thought I'd lose whichever way I answered and the question was a trap, which he blustered on about before the therapist stepped in and asked if it was a trap, he blankly said it was.
Anyway, if we divorce, what is the likely split of assets? We have 3 properties - only 1 is mortgaged,(80K remaining ) he earns in excess of £60k I earn £23K (I moved to full time hours when he threatened he wouldn't give me an allowance, just so I could pay my bills
with my wage if I needed to) The house I live in is owned by us jointly as are the other 2.

Thanks in advance.

I have no idea how it will be split. But it sounds like you are in a position to tell him to fuck off. Which I hope you do.

There is definitely another (several other?) woman(en). I would divorce him citing unreasonable behaviour unless you can find proof of adulterous behaviour and get decent legal representation. I don’t know about what you’d be entitled to but I’d go for half the assets including his pension.

You don't need proof or to cite anything anymore. You just divorced someone.
You would definitely be entitled to half of everything, all marital assets

It starts at 50/50 - the split can be argued from there. You might be able to argue for a larger split of assets / pensions / whatever due to earning disparity from giving up your job to raise the DC, but if they're adults I wouldn't expect a huge swing in assets your way.

He sounds dreadful. Get rid of him you still get half.

Let's hope he doesn't choke on the crumbs of all those cakes he's eating, huh?

Your husband is a headfuck. I doesn’t matter why he is a headfuck - but in this case it seems very much that he is an arse. The only good thing to do with a headfuck is to make a quick and clean break. You’d get 50% of all assets including pensions as there are no dependant kids to worry about. He’s just stringing you along to avoid paying, go and see a lawyer!

Don't do the pick me dance, it will be really bad for your self esteem. He's wants the best of both worlds. It doesn't work like that does it?

Find yourself a really good family lawyer and start proceedings, you are entitled to 50% of everything as a start point. You will probably end up with more to balance out supporting him whilst overseas.

You may find that starting the divorce and most likely at the point of asset split, he will come crawling back as he realises how much he's going to lose. Hold firm at this point, dont take him back, they don't change, they just get better at hiding things. He will likely follow the script so prepare yourself for a rocky few months.

What's the bet that if you said no to sex he'd want a divorce? He's manipulating you so he can do as he pleases. You know he's not making an effort during counselling. Time to call it a day.

Firstly, i wouldn't be saying 'if we divorce', but rather 'when we divorce'. The man sounds a hideous human being and i'd be finding a solicitor immediately. You should be entitled to half of everything and a portion of his pension (up to the point of separation/divorce).

Advice here about the split and how straightforward it is to divorce now, are right. You don’t even need a solicitor to get started, just download the forms and get going.
He is now taking the piss. You’ve been relegated to part time occasional shag without commitment, so unless you’re happy with this, I’d say you should now call time.

Thank you so much for your replies. Seems pretty clear what my next steps are.

He doesn't respect you at all and he clearly fancies himself as a bit of a ladies' man who wants to go on dates with other women while telling you that they are just friends. It's a load of bollocks. I think it works much better if you control things yourself and just say you've had enough and it's over. At least that way you are left with your self-respect. Don't let him persuade you that you should be living in the cheaper house either.

I would be very surprised if he isn’t already having an affair. What a horrible man, look after yourself x