What do i do?

[MyFunHedgehog]

My boyfriend and i rushed into things and seeing eachother everyday nearly since we met, he does suffer with ptsd and depression and between christmas times he does get bad with it. Last week he was having a bad day then out of nowhere he asked to come pick his things up and said he doesnt want a relationship, he doesnt know if he can love anyome at the moment and he needs to work on himself and said hes struggling with his mental health and its not fair on me to see him when he has episodes like this. We didnt see eachother for a week but still messaged a bit and he picks my son up to take him the gym every night with him but avoids seeing me saying it doesnt make it easier if he sees me.After the week of not seeing eachother he messaged saying he wants to be here with me and misses me so went out for a meal and stayed over, next morning he went work and now hes back to been distant with messages and avoiding to see me again. He said he doesnt know how long it will take to sort himself out. I miss and love him amd will wait but its making me not want to eat, im sad all the time amd cant stop thinking about him. We were perfect all together nothing was wrong at all.What do i do??

You end up cleanly because he's too selfish right now to do so.

What do you mean you'll wait?
No. Absolutely not op. Fair enough if he'd asked for space, took the space then came back once he was recovered. Maybe you could have tried again.

But what he's actually done, is play with your emotions, use you for sex and fucked off again. If you don't want that to be an ongoing cycle, end it clearly and block him.

And if you don't feel you can do that, at least tell him you want to put a pin in things indefinitely. And he is welcome to get back in touch once he is recovered and has had therapy/is medicated. But even then, you'll be going back to the dating stages and it'll be slow dating until you can trust him.

This!! 👏

Yep he come back for the night, got his needs met and left again.
And this cycle will continue. He's checked out til it suits him. You need to be strong and say no, he's either here for it all or none at all.

He’s using the mental health excuse to allow him to treat you like shit. He’s going to keep doing this. You will never feel secure in the relationship because you’ll always be wondering when he’s going to fuck off again. End it. There’s better men out there who won’t mess you about. How long have you been together? It sounds as if he’s loved bombed you, very intense and full on at the beginning of the relationship to lure you in and now he knows you’re invested he’s doing this coming and going, I want you/I don’t want you dance to keep you off balance but on the hook so he can do whatever the fuck he wants, come over and get his kicks when he feels like it but commit absolutely nothing and you will just hang around hoping for the scraps that he throws you. This doesn’t bode well for a healthy relationship. I’d put money on him being abusive. Aaaaaand, he’s using your son to show what a good guy he is to come and take him to the gym and to keep you invested. Sick. Do yourself and your son a favour and bin this manipulative prick asap.

He needs to work on himself at the moment. You need to cut contact including your son. Otherwise you will be stuck in the cycle.

This is emotional abuse. He wants you to feel needy and chase him and also constantly be on your best behavior in case he decides to leave

He has too much baggage and you have too much self respect to be treated like this.

Someone who cares about you doesn't mess you around. He is not into the relationship, so let him go.

Why are you exposing your son to this person? I'm dumbfounded.

He’s a headfuck. Doesn’t matter why he is a headfuck - PTSD, mental health conditions, being an arse… what matters is that if you let him he will right royally fuck up your head. The only good thing to do with a headfuck is to make a quick and clean break and don’t go back. Dump, block, move on!

Like you say in your OP, you rushed into things and really didn’t know this man. Now you’re seeing the real him.

Was he living with you? How long have you been together? How old is your son?

No you don’t wait for him to sort himself out, that’s the work he should have done before entering into a relationship. And DO KOT allow this man to see your son without seeing you - that’s unbelievable behaviour. And he’s ok to pop back into your bed when he fancies a shag - funny that!

Sadly you weren’t ‘perfect together’ - please tell this emotionally manipulative man to leave you and your son alone.

This relationship is not healthy for you. A boyfriend that blows hot and cold, regardless of the reason, is doing nothing more than playing with your emotions. It doesn't matter if he's set out to do that or not, the fact is, he is doing it. You need to walk away. Hard, yes, but necessary. He needs to concentrate on himself, seek counselling/medication. You deserve better. If you don't this cycle will just continue, which is draining emotionally.

Please stop him seeing your son. Massive red flag. He does not want you but wants to hang out with your son?!?

Please stand up for yourself and more importantly your son.

He needs to care for his own mental health, having him around you or your child is not a good idea so stop the going to the gym.

The relationship is over, you can never go back to an old partner because things will never change and always revert to how they work before. He could have a new relationship with someone else and change but not you.

Grow a backbone. Tell him you wish him well but are no longer interested and, if your son is a child tell him the gym going is stopping from now on. If your child is actually an adult not much you can do there if they have their own friendship.