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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner always falling asleep

10 replies

Bear91 · 10/12/2024 23:22

My partner works I have out for children. I get up get them to school, deal with my horse, walk the dogs and continuously do the house work and adult stuff. He goes to work and doesn’t have to worry about a thing other than physical demands.
when he comes home we put the kids to bed and eat and that’s it, he falls asleep! Like there’s no time taking it’s instant.
Sometimes he willl go downstairs and not return I find him on the floor with the dogs.
he will say “let’s watch a film” but as soon as we start he’s asleep.
talking to him about my feelings are hard because he falls asleep when I’m talking and says he can’t help it.

he does drink a lot..

i have auto immune diseases that cause extreme tiredness and I’m still up and awake.

I don’t have any adult company and so when he comes home he is my adult company and I look forward to seeing him.

i feel like every time I talk about my feelings he doesn’t take them seriously because he falls asleep or it feels like it doesn’t get anywhere. Then I feel in limbo and frustrated and have to wait till the next day to talk about it all over and.

IM GOING IN CIRCLES!

I just feel lonely and like there’s no effort.
imagaine being on your own all day and then in the evening as well.
the worst feeling is being trapped with my feelings and like I can’t resolve them with him.

im angry all the time because I feel unheard and frustrated.

ot maybe I’m the problem maybe this is normal and I’m being selfish!

Feeling at a loss ..

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 10/12/2024 23:32

Tell him he needs to stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant. It makes you sleepy. Cut out the booze and he will be more awake for longer. If he won’t, you need to decide if you want to continue to live with this lonely existence.

Unlucky123 · 10/12/2024 23:38

What work does he do? Is it demanding? How many hours is he out for a day?

Do you not get time on a weekend?

Do you go on vacations?

Where does he drink? At home?

Can you not talk to him before he opens a beer? Tell him it’s important etc and if he doesnt listen, then the drink and falling asleep is not the issue, its his inability to communicate

Est1990 · 10/12/2024 23:39

Well, he is not falling asleep while he drinks 'a lot'. Sounds like he has a drinking problem.
Did you say he falls asleep on the floor with the dogs?

And no, it's not normal to have a partner that doesn't care and doesn't help.

Dash0Cal · 10/12/2024 23:41

Hoe much is he drinking?

Could you get a job? You sound very lonely and it might help.

cestlavielife · 11/12/2024 09:15

Build your own adult life
He is not bothered about you
You cannot stop his drinking he has to want to change

Howtobemoreempathetic · 11/12/2024 12:04

How is he drinking a lot if he literally comes home, puts the kids to bed, eats and falls asleep instantly?

EarthSight · 11/12/2024 12:08

I'd say he has a physical problem, either caused or made worse by his drinking, but that's only part of the issue here. The main issue is his attitude. If I were falling asleep this often, I'd be proactive in changing it, for myself and a partner.

If it's his job that's exhausting him, then that needs to be changed if possible. He has no energy for actual life like this.

MisoSalmonForLunch · 11/12/2024 12:14

OP there’s a typo in your post, but did you say you’re a SAHP with four children, plus a horse and at least two dogs?

mindutopia · 11/12/2024 12:47

If he’s drinking heavily and regularly, he’s likely passing out, not falling asleep. Even if he’s not drinking every day (if he has a drinking problem, he’ll be drinking more often than you think he is), he’s going to be very tired. Recovering alcoholic here, I used to fall asleep all sorts of places, including in the middle of the floor, and I needed a mid day nap to get through the day. While Dh and I still don’t really get time together, because by the time dc are asleep, it is actually my bedtime and I go to bed, stopping drinking sorted the fatigue and gave me back my energy. It sounds like he needs to stop drinking and he probably needs to see his GP for some blood tests to identify any other physiological causes of the fatigue (which may spark a conversation about his drinking as well).

frozendaisy · 11/12/2024 13:50

He does have to worry about things, being solely responsible for bringing in the household income.

And it's not healthy to rely on one adult for your adult company needs.

Sounds like both of you need a bit of a reset.

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