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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused.

1 reply

Erch13 · 10/12/2024 16:56

I split up with my partner of 9 years in August, we have a 4 year old son together and 2 of our own children aged 12 & 15.
we lived with my auntie and uncle through Covid whilst saving for a mortgage, when we came to get our mortgage a CCJ popped up on mine and I could not go on the deeds, cut a long story short the mortgage went solely in his name although I had saved around £15,000+ but this didn’t worry me, as I trusted him and I wanted to build our family home together.

as the years went on he started getting controlling over money I spent (even though I worked) and often threatened to kick me out of our family home along with my eldest daugher (as she wasn’t his problem) in the smallest arguments, this started happening more regularly and the relationship seemed to get more toxic, he would call me names and he would ignore me for days over the smallest things and he would always use the house and tell me I’d have to move. He started to ask me for more money for bills (he is on triple what I earn due to me only being able to work part time) I decided enough was enough and left in August, he changed the locks the day I left and told me I wasn’t welcome back… as weeks went on he was begging me to come back and saying he would change, I didn’t run back and I stood my ground, recently I have rekindled with an ex , who treats me perfectly, he helps me out with money when I need and genuinely makes me happy, but I can’t help but feel guilty and feel like I’ve made the wrong choice. I can’t stop thinking of him and how it could have been if I’d gone back to see the changes? The closer it’s getting to Christmas the sadder I am feeling. I feel selfish because the thought of him moving on is making me feel sick and having someone else in a house I called my home, even though I’ve been seeing my ex. Anyone been in a similar position?

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 10/12/2024 17:17

Why on earth would you would to go back to him when he treated you so badly? Just because Christmas is coming don't get sentimental about what was a controlling relationship! I wonder if you have moved on too quickly as well, it might have been better to have spent some time working on yourself and processing everything that's happened first. Would you consider some counselling to help you get things in perspective?

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