To ask family members to contribute financially towards Xmas food?

[shappyred]

Not sure this is ever ok! haha... BUT a bit of background, my family are bigger and tend to stay at our house often, we always host/cook/put on food for my sister, her kids, my mum.. whereas DH only has his mum and she always brings stuff (food, botttle wine etc.,) anyway. My family rarely do! This time, I thought of asking for a contribution, seeing as we always host and don't ask for anything.. or we could ask them to bring specific things! Otherwise, it's on us every year and we/my DH are tired of it...

Yes but ask for a specific contribution - can you provide booze/cheeseboard/pudding rather than money.

I don’t think you can ask for cash, but asking them to bring eg “enough desserts for x people” is a bit more okay. It’s going to be difficult even to ask this because you’ve set a precedent now - and yes it’s CF territory to rock up without even flowers and/or wine! I’d be tempted to book a holiday next year tbh…

Yes I think it’s fine to ask for a contribution - I don’t think people realise what it costs!

Allocating items a way of doing it without feeling like you’re asking for money.

Of course - ever adult should contribute. Ask for items that they can buy in advance, be specific about amounts too, I've had a small 4 person cheesecake brought for a dinner for 8 lol !

Tell them you aren't providing the booze so they'll have to bring their own, that should save you a few bob.
It's entirely up to you what you provide, if you limit your offerings, they will have to contribute won't they.

We all contribute to Christmas Day financially. The host spends a fortune!

As a family we always put in cash and wine. I'm flying solo this year but on the years I go to family we go to the person with the biggest house, who isn't always the one with the most money - we've had several downsizers the past few years who are loaded but don't have room to host. We'd feel awful asking my niece who's just moved and has a baby on the way to pay for everything. We always give £15 per head, and bring wine too.

I think if one family always hosts for Christmas people should be offering to contribute, so absolutely ask them to contribute something, I see nothing wrong with this

100%!
We also host every year but as well as delegating things like starters/desserts to guests, my mum and MIL voluntarily give like £40 each as they know how expensive things are at Xmas (we don’t ask, they just do).
Honestly I can’t imagine what goes through people’s minds to show up without a bottle of wine at least, that’s very basic dinner party etiquette, let alone on Xmas day. Always puzzles me to read that people do this. CF to the maximum.
Definitely either ask for £, delegate dishes or drinks requests. It’s too much otherwise!

What is CF?

Also, my mum is generally quite good but my sister is terrible! Embarrasingly so! She has barely brought anything here!! Ever.. I've joked about it but she takes the piss nowadays so I've put a gentle stop on her coming here.. And her kids eat all we have!! Love them, but still!! I'll ask for £25 plus a pudding/wine.. I think that's reasonable given how many meals she's aleady had here and contributed nothing! Ideally I'd ask for £ from my sister but no money from my mum xx

Also, asking for my sis to pick up something pudding means she'll get the absolute cheapest item and bring it.. she's honestly a nightmare!!

Hence why I mentioned money contribution!

CF = cheeky fuckers 👍

I'd do that then.

A lot of people on here are very keen on the bring items instead model, but the reality is that's still likely to leave the greatest financial burden on the hosts. Exceptions perhaps if you like expensive alcohol.

If people take it in turns to host, that's ok, but when it's one family usually hosting it's fairer to have a kitty.

Definitely ask for money. £20 a head for her and her children wouldn't be unreasonable.

You will absolutely get either an excuse as to why she has forgotten the potatoes or the Christmas pudding, or you'll get the smallest or cheapest available, or ten pieces of potato to feed you all if you ask her to bring something.

I would ask. I can’t believe people don’t offer.

For my family event that isn't actually Christmas day but a get together beforehand.
Mum- hosts and pays for majority of food but doesn't actually food prep.
Youngest sibling- cooks food that was paid for by my mum. Doesn't financially contribute as she doesn't have a lot of money.
Me- in charge of buying drinks. Wine/ Prosecco and soft drinks for the kids. Also in charge of any miscellaneous bits eg my mum will let me know if she needs milk or anything Monday of event as she will be in the house waiting for guests to arrive so easier for me to pop to shops and bring things over.
Other sibling- makes 2 deserts and brings them.
Sibling who lives 4 hrs away - asked not to bring anything as she is driving and it's always her that travels for various reasons so it seems unreasonable for her to also have to make something/bring something.

So I don't think you should do everything with no contribution. Money would never be given in my family and I would prefer to ask people to bring a starter/ main/ drinks etc.

Our family used to take turns hosting xmas dinners. Now the other family members have moved homes and I'm the only one with the space to host everyone. It would be ridiculous if I would always end up paying for something we all choose to celebrate together!
It's not like birthday parties, where I'm the one inviting everyone.
We each pick what we want to prepare. I'm doing main course this year. My mum is doing appetizers. My granddad is making soup. My brother will bring dessert.
In the end we will all put our grocery bills together and see if anyone needs to pay some extra to level things out.
None of us is wealthy enough to cover everyone else's meals. Nobody had ever complained. If anyone would complain, I'd no longer host these celebrations. Simple.

ask for money and get it upfront before Christmas day as there's a chance with her history, that she'll turn up without her purse