Co parenting hell

[DenimBird]

Been co parenting since baby was 4 months old. Babys now 11 months old

My ex (babys father) will not accept the relationship is done

A few months back it was so bad I had to ring police and he was charged with stalking and harrasing me.

He didn't go to prison for it, but did have a fine, and has to attend probation and other courses.

Since that incident we have been co parenting quite nicely. It's actually been okay

But the past few weeks he's been abit flirty again and making comments about how he will kill anyone that I end up in a relationship with etc.

I've had to block him but he's still seeing our daughter 2-3 times a week.

Anyways since I've blocked him I'm getting messages off his mum, sister, and friend. Not from them but from him. His mother is constantly passing on messages on his behalf, saying J has said can you unblock him so he knows the plans tomorrow for picking up the baby etc" when he knows the place and time, I don't need to unblock him to discuss it further.

His mum has also forwarded on quite nasty messages from him aswell which I think is our of order.

I'm getting sick of all of this, he's ruined my first year of my baby's life (for me not for her)

He's constantly nagging for me to send him pictures of the baby, I've told him to take his own

He's nagging me to go xmas shopping with him for the baby. When I've done her Xmas shopping from myself. I told him I do everything for the baby I'm not doing your part aswell. Do it on your own or with someone else

He is using any excuse to be around me, I'm mentally drained and feel like disappearing

Can he have supervised contact if the police have been involved. Can you speak to your health visitor for advice.

@DenimBird why the hell do his mother and sister have your mobile number??? block them!

This is the same man who used to turn up and insist on being with the baby at whatever time was convenient for him, ranted if you weren't there or insisted on you facilitating him?

Have you gone for a co-parenting app? I think it's perfectly okay to insist tha tyou won't communicate with him outside of specific times and for specific needs eg to arrange contact etc. Re Christmas or other things, just tell him (once) that no, you will not be doing joint shopping and then ignore all other requests and comments. Any threats pass to the police.

tell the police!

I think to get any kind of parenting apps. Or supervised visits it would have to go to court. But he's refusing to even be invovled in court. I have mentioned it a few times

Block the lot of them and tell him if he wants contact with the child he’ll have to take you to court.

Spoiler alert - he won’t.

Stop unblocking him/them.

Keep them all blocked and live your life in peace.

No, the court can mandate a parenting app. But there's nothing to stop two responsible parents from using one. If he refuses, then you continue to block him outside of specific times if he's unable/unwilling to respect your boundaries re discussion points and interaction.

Tell him to go to a solicitor to arrange contact

This isn't about what he wants, is it?
He doesn't get to decide that he doesn't want to involve the court. That's up to you.
Block everyone in his family after sending them a message saying you will no longer accept them contacting you to deliver messages from him.
Get the parenting app in place. He can choose to not see his child or to see his child using the parenting app.
If he wants any kind of visitation, he can go through the court.
Any kind of communication that isn't directly about your shared child can not be tolerated.

Just jumping on the parenting app, You can download the Talking Parent app, It's free to use and it uses email addresses instead of phone numbers. All messages are recorded and nothing can be deleted or altered, it also records when each party has viewed the messages so can't lie and say they didn't receive it. You can also use this app system as evidence if you go to court. The judge at my hearing suggested this app as it could be useful if my ex started harassing me again.

I think start by considering what you want and what your child needs. Have you considered a family support worker if you have a children’s centre near you? Definitely only communicate by email. He is trying to control you. He doesn’t get to choose whether you go to court.

Thanks for some of your answers guys. The thing with the parenting apps is this idiot doesn't have a smart phone. I mean he will have one for a few weeks then sell it. Then buy one again and sell it again in another few weeks. He's whole life is a shambles and because he has no routine or stability in his own life it's effecting mine and my daughters

He can't stop you from going to court.

You need a solicitor as he is still using your child to stalk you.

Is it a case of i take him to court

Or I cut his contact and tell him to take me to court

I don't know how all this works

How times have changed for co parenting.. mine didn't go to her Dad's until 3 years old..she was still breast fed.
2nd one l didn't let him see her at all

I wish she didnt go to him honestly! Hate having to share her with that vile thing

You inform him that as of right now you will no longer be communicating with him directly or through his family members. Then block everyone.
He will have to use a parenting app. Him not having a smartphone or not being reliable is in no way your problem, so don't make it your problem. If he wants to see his child, he'll do what it takes.
Visitation will have to be formally arranged through the courts. If he wants any, he will get a lawyer and go through the neccessary channels.
Get your own lawyer and start preparing your own case in advance.
And then you wait.