I'm so hurt by DH

[saaaa1985]

In laws have never been particularly great..totally unsupportive when I had two miscarriages in a row and since I've had DS they have pigeon holed me into the role of cook, cleaner etc. DH has the important full time job whereas I work from home pt so obviously that doesn't matter, even tho I work in high end wealth management.
I sat DH down earlier this year and told him our marriage wasn't working for me, it was totally misogynistic and I do everything and I mean everything. DH is DS favourite, he barely acknowledges me because of course DH gets to be fun dad and play with him whereas I am running round doing everything.
We have not had in laws down since March as I just couldn't face it. At Xmas where I will buy all the presents, book all the activities and get nothing in return (not even a card) DH wants to take DS up to his parents for a few days as he owes it to them to sort it out. Nothing about what he owes me.
I never thought it would come to this but I think I have to LTB?
For what it's worth. I wfh barely see anyone all week, DS and DH want to stay in on the evenings and weekends and I have a back in jury that prevents me from gym/joining team sports which I would love to do.
I realize my role in allowing my marriage to become like this and I hate myself for it. I literally don't matter to anyone. Like DS would step over me if I was on fire to get to DH.

I’m glad you and DH had that chat - it sounds like he really heard you.

Could you sign up to a group yoga class near you? Your fellow yogis will be supportive of you. Everyone tends to be at different levels of fitness and flexibility and quite a few in all the classes I’ve ever attended are there to help their recovery from an injury.

It would be lovely for you to get out for an hour with DH offering to pick up more of the household bits!!

@saaaa1985 if you can afford it and can find a therapist you click with then EMDR sounds like it could be very useful for you, especially with mention of past/generational trauma. It’s designed to basically reset the way you respond to things that you currently do unconsciously due to learned behaviours. I’ve probably explained that really poorly - google will explain it better! It’s much more in depth and unconscious brain rewiring than CBT which is more about consciously trying to change your brain processing/responses.

It's obvious from your posts that you're in a dark place mental health wise, it's definitely worth trying as many avenues as possible to get help with that.

@saaaa1985 your post struck a chord with me. I worked in Inv B for years, you mentioned you work in Private Wealth Management, I know this industry well. And I believe I know a bit about, how shall I say, the personality types that work within this environment. Highly driven, objective-oriented, sound familiar?

Breaking generational cycles is TOUGH. So don't underestimate it. What you can do is make small changes step by step that are in the right direction though.

It's so encouraging to hear what your DH said, that's fantastic news. It sounds like you have a chance to make your life within your marriage more your own. Our childhood programming is so strong, and of course we want to love and please those that we love and care about! They are after all our most important and loved family members.

And now here's where it gets tricky, these responsibilities can be so overwhelming and we work so hard at them, BUT it can't be at the expense of our own physical health and mental well-being.
The balance that we have to strike can be a very difficult one to navigate.
I'm so pleased that your DH has taken the situation seriously, these talks are needed as you were sounding the alarm bells and seemingly they were not being heard.

Go back into counselling if necessary, don't let it just be an emotional bonding session, which no doubt it has been. Which is valuable in itself of course. BUT I hope he is genuine and not just paying lip service. These issues can be resolved, but it needs his effort and input. Not just a 'oh wow, we feel closer and see he understands'.
Sometimes people will offer up emotional connection, but with no follow through. Put in some personal boundaries and prioritise yourself WITHOUT GUILT ...
Best wishes to you OP xx