Feeling down about being alone

[A1m52]

I wrote a post a month or 2 ago about my abusive crappy relationship. 4 years of my life being unsettled and being lied to. It made me feel really sad.

I made a mistake last weekend. I had a one night stand with an ex work colleague i don't always work with. I always found him nice.he knows everything I've been through. He came on strong. The main reason I did it was because I wanted to break the link to my ex. I thought abit of fun was good. He said some quite serious stuff that would imply he wanted to be with me. Then he's backed right off and admitted he needs some time to sort his life out and didn't want to lead me on.

In all honesty there was no massive spark. I didnt particularly feel anything but for some reason I feel sad. Like once again it wasn't anything real or special. I had hoped we could date and see. But I clicked on that he wasn't looking at it like that.

This was a big step for me. To let someone close to me. To touch me. To choose someone over My ex.

But I've woken up alone. Feeling I have no life. Worrying I don't socialise enough. But all my friends are married etc. I have nobody to go out with often. I know its early weeks. But I feel so disheartened about being alone and not having a social life. I'm panicking abit that I'm going to end up unfulfilled and lonely. I may have a mild depression as I do feel low all the time in recent days.

One night stands are not a good idea if you feel at all vulnerable.

So chalk this last one night stand up to experience and as a one night of fun. Don't look for anything more from this man.

In terms of socialising, maybe it's better to focus on doing the things you love rather than looking for people to socialise with. Focus on you and what you like to do. The people will come later as you develop and establish yourself in your own interests.

No more relationships or dating for now. It's doesn't sound like you're in the right place at the moment.

Loneliness is really hard and it makes you very low. But if you make sure you prioritise your interests over everything else then you will emerge much more content. Look after yourself above all else.

He still wanted to see me again but he just was too messed up from his marriage ending. But I think I'm mainly annoyed at him for knowing how much I've been through and not thinking about how I perhaps didn't need an unsure man who couldn't commit to even dating me for a while. I think I'm just too emotional and need to be by myself. I just feel so lonely.

You're not depressed - you're lonely. I know how that feels when friends are all couples, it's not easy sometimes. And you're vulnerable, emotionally at least. Unless you're the sort of person who's happy to have sex for its own sake without any emotional involvement (frankly, it's not something I can do, and it sounds like you can't either), then I'd have to say try to not see anyone romantically right now. Just to to keep busy and with friends and family, give yourself some time before you're ready to restart, clear about what you want and don't want, and able to discern better. And although it might not feel like it, it's better alone than with someone who isn't right for you or is also messed up: If you feel like you're sinking, you grab anything that's passing, right? You need to be sure that what you hold onto is going to keep you safe, not drag you further down.
These things take time.

I read your last thread @A1m52 and I have been wondering how you are.
OK, so maybe it wasn’t the best idea to have a one night stand but it happens, especially when someone has left an awful relationship.
But it’s far, far too soon. You have been through a dreadful time in the last few years and you won’t meet anyone you can have a decent relationship with until you have got over the trauma of it.
I understand a lot of your married friends have commitments. As a PP, find things to do that you like and meeting people will follow. It doesn’t matter what it is, it could be a community project or choir.
You will be feeling lonely as so much of your time has been taken up by someone who has exhausted you. I hope at least now you are safe and away from that person.
I am not sure if you have children or not, but try and open up to your family a bit more and think about letting them in a bit.
I remembered your thread as you were so honest and open, you are a such a kind person you will make a lovely friend for someone, or two, three or more!
You have come so far. Keep posting on here for support.

How are you doing @A1m52 ?