relationship counselling - top tips!

[julesrose]

What are the best bits of advice you've been given? (From professional or friend for that matter).

Don't ever use the phrases "never" or "always" in an argument (eg. "you never do the dishes", "you always react in the same way" etc.)

Swap the word 'but' for 'and'.

I love you but I am not doing that

becomes

I love you and I am not doing that

I want ot change but am frightened

becomes

I want to change and am frightened.

Don't collect brownie points...

Comment on the behaviour not the character...

so meatloaf was wrong eh moondog

It should have been

I would do anything for love and I won't do that

hmm
maybe not

Remeber to treat your partner like your best friend.

It is a central tenet of Acceptance and Commintment Therapy (on which i just did an essay. Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn)

I rather like it meself.

the two cornerstones of marriage are compromise and chocolate

Don't use 'you' as it makes people more defensive. Instead of "You make me feel unhappy" try "This behaviour makes me feel unhappy." I was told this by a relate counsellor, but it doesn't work with dh

Tell the truth
otherwise it is a waste of time and money

Write things down (10 things you love about your partner, your relationship etc. and 10 things you would like to improve). Sit down together with a bottle of wine (or similar) and read them and discuss them.

always say "i feel" when you are trying to get your point across and never make it sound attacking, also respect and listen too.

will probably give you some more tips as we are still having counselling