Do I have to tell her?

[Shouldnthavedonethatshouldithatwassilly]

I met a "single Dad" at a weekly sporting activity for our kids a little while ago.
I help a bit with this activity so was welcoming to the new child and Dad.
I've seen them a few times been friendly and chatted. Also happened to bump into him in our village a couple of times too.

Hadn't seen him for a few weeks after my child was injured then had a message saying things had changed and he wouldn't see me at said activity anymore but he liked me and wanted to see me again. I said I'd enjoyed talking to him, we had a few things in common we chatted about.

I bumped into him again and messaging started again and I decided to meet him under the impression we were both pretty recently single so it was nothing serious.

We met 3 times, for sex. He then said he was confused and had to get his head straight. I said hope all goes well for you. Communication was off between 2 & 3 but the sex was really good so I decided I didn't care but had a feeling it would be the last time and even contemplated messaging to say I don't think you're into this now so don't worry about it. Then had the "confused" message after.

Yesterday he arrived at sports activity with children's mother and clearly in a couple ...
Now clearly I've been stupid But I now have to see either of them or both of them, twice a week for the next god knows how long.
I can't tell her. I can't have anyone knowing what I've done.
Is that really wrong so that I save myself the embarasment of anyone knowing?

He spoke to me as if nothing has happened as I initially saw him alone and then he wasn't there and I was introduced to his partner and spoke with her. In a bit of a state of shock but was polite and friendly. Then saw them together and it all slotted into place .. I realised I had seen her before but not together. There are multiple age groups for the same activity and I think she was there all along but not when I was talking to him as there is another younger child in another age group.

Would it really help her to know? He's probably got form so surely someone else will tell her that doesn't have to see them quite so regularly??

Maybe he got back with her after he shagged you.

That would be an ideal situation. I'll tell myself that regardless

And if you were married and another woman came up and said she's been banging your husband - would you feel grateful, or as if your life had been destroyed? And then if he denied it to her, she believed him and told everyone else about this lying delusional bitch who tried to break up her marriage......
Or maybe she's just say 'yes, I know, he told me, we're pretty open about these things'
I think you got to suck it up

I wouldn’t say anything and I probably wouldn’t want to know if I was in her shoes.

They may have been separated at the time of your three meetings. Or maybe she’d cheated and he was having revenge sex. Or they might have an open relationship.

Without knowing the circumstances it’s difficult to be sure that telling her is the right thing.

Yours wasn’t a relationship with emotions attached, proper dates, and declarations of commitment, so perhaps it’s best to keep quiet.

You haven’t been treated well and I’m sorry. If they were separated or in an open relationship you should have been told so that you could have made an informed choice.

That's right. There were no promises or expectations. That's why I was more shocked there wasn't a "I'm getting back with" because it was very clear that wouldn't have mattered. A heads up I was going to see them would have been appreciated though. There wasn't a reason to be dishonest. The revenge sex maybe would have been and make sense. I wouldn't have wanted to have been used like that.

I don't want to risk not being believed and have no interest in upsetting her, its noy a thing and womt hapened again. She really seemed quite nice.

I don't like not having answers but looks like I'll have to let this one go unanswered. I did think about a message to him but it seems better to leave it?

Say nothing. Pretend it never happened

I'd just leave it and move on, you don't seem that into him anyway so I assume you're not so upset by it (could be wrong there). But you don't know the fully story - maybe he cheated, maybe they were on a break and it was legit. Either way, avoid him in future!

The confused bit does make it sound like that!

Just move on from it, OP, and don’t carry the guilt with you. If he wasn’t honest then he’s fooled you both - it’s not like you knew and did it anyway. This is his guilt and burden to carry, not yours, so don’t feel that you have to take responsibility for it.

Will you have to see him a lot?

To set your mind at ease are there any mutual friends you could find out if he was single from?

No, I'm not that into him. Honestly I'm still very much in love with my ex who is on a downward mental health spiral I can't help with and has been for the last year. He's still in my life but isn't the Dad or husband he was.
He was an enjoyable distraction but nothing more.

They're new to the area, I don't know anyone who I could ask/check with.

I'll just have to try and not blame myself and get on with it won't I.

Yes, I'll see either of them twice a week. Wasn't an issue whilst we had been meeting as he said things had changed and he wouldn't be there and it wouldn't have bothered me anyway because it felt honest and grown up that it was what it was.

He may be putting it about quite a lot. Have you had an STI test?