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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Oh work do-I got drunk!

15 replies

snowmoons · 09/12/2024 08:36

Regret getting drunk at his Xmas do as several years ago he was leaving me after going on a secret date with another lady he had become friends with via his work. I think there may have been other dates? I will never know or ask now but when I found out it was such a shock and for a week he didn't want me. Long story but it broke my heart 30 years together/best friends. I just was sooo davastated. Have posted about it before.
It was a horrendous time 💔💔😢but we stayed together and I have coped with it. Inside feel shit about myself as used to feel special and his number one. Lost a lot of weight in last few months. Still got a way to go but nearer to target maybe couple stone and just wanted to go to Xmas looking better and feeling nicer.
Because I was very nervous I drank too much and ended up a state and chatting too much in front of Colleagues and can't remember everything I said.
I feel I have really let myself down in front of his colleagues and this lady who he still has contact with just as colleague/friend.
How do I move forward from feeling like the Xmas party clown and letting myself down. I wanted to be sophisticated and look better as lost weight but just drank too much to feel less nervous and now am so annoyed with myself.
How do other people cope with this sort of thing.

OP posts:
CalmDuck · 09/12/2024 08:37

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snowmoons · 09/12/2024 08:43

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Yes him almost leaving me did but me drunk recently

OP posts:
librathroughandthrough · 09/12/2024 08:44

Can you re write your original post? Who is ‘he’? What happened when you got drunk at the Xmas party? I don’t follow, sorry.

librathroughandthrough · 09/12/2024 08:47

So years ago your husband told you he wanted a divorce because he met someone else through work. So you not end up splitting up and now you got drunk at Xmas party? I don’t understand how the two events - husband wanting to leave years ago and you getting drunk recently - caused you to write this post. Did you raise what he did with his colleagues I take it?

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 08:48

So your H is a cheater, including possibly with someone at work but you were trying to move on.
You got very drunk at his xmas party where this woman was and you are not sure what you said or did and are now embarrassed - is that right?
Most of us have got drunk and a bit embarrassing at some point but most of us haven't cheated on our spouse so he should be embarrassed not you.
You should have another think about whether you want to stay with this man though as it sounds like ther eis a lot unresolved

snowmoons · 09/12/2024 08:55

We sorted relationship out but because I knew lady he went on secret date with yrs ago going to be there at Christmas do this year I got nervous and felt not good enough and increased anxiety so drank too much to cope with evening but drank too much.

Don't think I said anything negative I was just abit of a state chatting too much staggering etc

Just feel like I looked a state and they looked sophisticated,

I don't know just lost all my self esteem.

Have lost three stone and wanted to go out and look nice but just showed myself up.

Don't want relationship to end as we sorted that out but just feel sad and annoyed with myself for drinking too much

OP posts:
snowmoons · 09/12/2024 09:14

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 08:48

So your H is a cheater, including possibly with someone at work but you were trying to move on.
You got very drunk at his xmas party where this woman was and you are not sure what you said or did and are now embarrassed - is that right?
Most of us have got drunk and a bit embarrassing at some point but most of us haven't cheated on our spouse so he should be embarrassed not you.
You should have another think about whether you want to stay with this man though as it sounds like ther eis a lot unresolved

Yes I do want to stay just feel let myself down
Have met this person before and always been controlled but wasn't when drunk.
They alway deny affair so I had to move on as live oh

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 10:01

I can see why you would have wanted to appear together and glam infront of the lying cheating scumbags BUT they should be ashamed not you

BigFatLiar · 09/12/2024 10:04

Let it go. Works parties used to be notorious for people getting drunk. It was pretty standard to simply ignore and move on for minor embarrassments.

snowmoons · 09/12/2024 10:15

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 10:01

I can see why you would have wanted to appear together and glam infront of the lying cheating scumbags BUT they should be ashamed not you

Thank you

OP posts:
snowmoons · 09/12/2024 10:16

BigFatLiar · 09/12/2024 10:04

Let it go. Works parties used to be notorious for people getting drunk. It was pretty standard to simply ignore and move on for minor embarrassments.

I know you are right m
It's just the situation from the past
I didn't want to come across as a middle aged drunk fat women who embarrassed my oh.
He hasn't said anything negative btw.
Just feel let down by myself

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 10:29

Oh bless you, sounds like he has done a number on your self esteem.
You are worth better

snowmoons · 09/12/2024 10:52

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2024 10:29

Oh bless you, sounds like he has done a number on your self esteem.
You are worth better

Yeah I love him but it was a total shock and several years ago but she is still in contact with him through his job so I do have to see her every year. They deny affair but he was out having food and said at work. I found out so why lie just say where you really are. We have worked hard to sort out and i do love him but it destroyed me inside as he was the first man I trusted. He was and is my best friend so to see how ruthless he was when I confronted him re this and he just didn't want to be with me for a week. We are good now but I feel inferior and stupid and so wish I hadn't got drunk.
As I feel like I have lost my dignity which I did have before 😢

OP posts:
TheRedCritic · 09/12/2024 15:22

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LetsRedecorate · 09/12/2024 21:09

It sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved feelings. Of course you will still worry if they still work together. And if there’s not rust there you’ll always be wondering whether he’s really at work or out with her at a ‘meeting’. Would it be easier to break up? Maybe some solo therapy to build your self esteem first, and then some couples therapy to help you work through these thoughts and helps him understand his actions and their effect on you, would help? This is no way to live and is causing more damage to you. 💐

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