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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL toxic behaviour - or am I being sensitive?

5 replies

AnnieB1986 · 08/12/2024 21:45

My MIL is a very religious lady and I have never quite felt good enough. She has become extremely opinionated in recent years, very openly homophobic although my best friend is gay, correcting the way I pronounce words as I’m from the North and my husband the South, knows best about everything and always correcting us. The list goes on.

Most of the time I can let things roll by but my patience is wearing thin. We haven’t visited since the summer (when we stayed for 2 weeks) as we have a young baby and also have just moved house which was a very stressful experience. MIL has visited us once in this period. After what should’ve been a nice weekend, I have just openly been told ‘you haven’t visited us at all this year’, ‘I was hoping you’d stay longer this weekend’, and encouraging my daughter to stay up until 10pm last night as ‘you’re leaving early tomorrow anyway!’. She also openly said ‘Santa is Stupid… have you told her Santa isn’t real’ in front of my 4 year old who is so excited by the idea of Santa this year. My husband doesn’t see it at all and says all I do is moan about his Mum. We are going back to stay twice over the next month and I’m already dreading the comments. I would love a close relationship and feel as though I try my best but it seems our relationship is getting more tense as the years go on.

If you got this far, any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Am I just being sensitive?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 08/12/2024 21:46

I wouldn't go

Mum2jenny · 08/12/2024 21:48

Doggymummar · 08/12/2024 21:46

I wouldn't go

I agree

gamerchick · 08/12/2024 21:56

Nope. Send him on his own.

KaleQueen · 08/12/2024 22:00

This is a ‘her’ problem not a ‘you’ problem. It’s normal to feel upset by someone who makes you feel bad. Can you find your voice with her and correct her gently? For example she said ‘you haven’t visited us at all this year’ yet you did in the summer. If similar happens again you could lightly say ‘yes we have we were here in the summer for two weeks? Had you forgotten?’ When she complains she doesn’t see you say ‘you’re welcome to visit us’. These people thrive on drama and the best response is play straight bat back at them. Neutral. Honest. Calmly and gracefully call out her bullshit

AnnieB1986 · 09/12/2024 11:41

Thanks for replying. I’ve tried to answer over the years with respectful responses but she’s very quick to snap back, even with a house full of family and friends. She’s even responded to me with ‘my house, my rules!’ in the past.🤦🏼‍♀️

I’m surprised some people have said not to go, in the past I’ve felt as though i’m the issue being over sensitive so really helpful to hear others thoughts!

OP posts:
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