Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Who has ever sent an "accidental on purpose text" to an ex?

34 replies

winterwoes · 08/12/2024 17:38

As it is coming up for Christmas I am thinking of sending an "accidental on purpose text" to my ex - happy Christmas - oops, not sure how you got that, must have been on an old list etc. I am almost certain he would reply as he wanted to stay friends and I blocked him because I was so hurt. I should really have told him at the time how hurt I was but I acted all hyper reasonable and forgiving and then then I just disappeared from his life. The hurt has festered away and I feel it would help me move on if I could get it off my chest. My plan would be to say my bit, get closure and move on. Has anyone ever done this as a means to open a conversation and does it always look super obvious?

I know the response will probably be leave the past in the past but I've convinced myself I will feel better if I say all the things I never said at the time.

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 08/12/2024 17:40

Write a letter but don't send it.... I've done this a few times. Unless you actually want to get back with the ex of course

smallsilvercloud · 08/12/2024 17:47

Write a letter but throw it away, I think reconnecting will just open up the past hurt again, then you need to move on again.
I had gone to and frow with ex before, either I contacted or he did, ultimately it didn't work no matter how many times we got in touch, it didn't help with closure, only time and space and moving on with someone else. Expecting him to see your point of view for closure, probably won't work, he will have his own conclusions.

ohyesido · 08/12/2024 17:49

Why does it have to be accidental on purpose? Just say what you want to say and if you don’t hear back never mind

BeenThere101 · 08/12/2024 17:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Cheque12 · 08/12/2024 17:57

I messaged an ex. It was a fruitless exercise in reimagining the past. The main reasons were curiosity and a feeling of missing her. I enjoyed her company. She was fun.

I got a response but she was very much with someone else and was focused on that. People chsnge, they move forward. I am with someone else too and even though that relationship is by no means perfect, I don't think any of my exes would've made my life any better in any alternative future. That'll be down to me to do that.

Best leave it where it is.

PlumpPuddingLass · 08/12/2024 17:59

Ive done it as a teen and had it done to me and i think its obvious
I think u could get the closure without talking to him like the others have suggested or just be direct as part of your growth to just communicate more directly and own up that you'd like to talk. He may or may not want to rehash things and you may or may not get the reaction you hope for. He might be upset about certain things or has a different recollection and view of how things went down

RosieLeaf · 08/12/2024 18:01

These texts are always obvious. Just text him
if you want to, but don’t pretend it’s an accident, that’s cringeworthy.

Berlinlover · 08/12/2024 18:01

I did it years ago and I’m embarrassed that I did. It’s so obvious and cringey.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/12/2024 18:04

If you want to contact him (and I wouldn't) then just send a message saying "I was thinking of you, how are you getting on?". Sending obviously fake "accidental" messages is painfully obvious.

Mom2K · 08/12/2024 18:04

Well if you had blocked him and he now receives an 'accidental' text, it would be quite obvious that it was deliberate as you'd have had to unblock to him do so.

And even without that, I think people will always assume it wasn't a mistake. So if you want to say anything, just do so without the pretense...but I don't think it will bring you closure

greycatmoth · 08/12/2024 18:05

I received what I think was an “accidental on purpose” text from an ex, it was to his friend but he sent it to me instead. Saying he regretted breaking things off etc. I deleted it. Either tell him or don’t- it really didn’t help.

DaftyLass · 08/12/2024 18:08

You aren't 12, no silly games
If you need to speak to him, message like a grown up
Also be prepared that he may not feel like it

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 08/12/2024 18:08

He will see straight through that and one day you will cringe yourself inside out at the memory of it.

He might toss you a pity fuck.

BondStreet · 08/12/2024 18:10

My ex does this on the regular and it always produces an eye roll from me, it’s giving desperation OP. Just be upfront if you want to talk to your ex.

ouchwtf · 08/12/2024 18:11

Don’t pretend it was by accident (will be transparent that it wasn’t), just say happy christmas.

Comedycook · 08/12/2024 18:12

I mean I used to do stupid shit like this when I was 17....

ouchwtf · 08/12/2024 18:13

RosieLeaf · 08/12/2024 18:01

These texts are always obvious. Just text him
if you want to, but don’t pretend it’s an accident, that’s cringeworthy.

Yep - because if it really was an accident, no one would point this out, they’d just get on with it and respond politely if they got a reply.

Beesandhoney123 · 08/12/2024 18:19

If he hasn't been in touch, he doesn't feel the same.
Don't message him. You sound as if you still hold a candle for him. The unhappiness will escalate.

Get busy, arrange things, go out and be too busy to want to message an ex.

Anotherworrier · 08/12/2024 18:21

This is so embarrassing. No one can pull this off, don’t do it.

KitsyWitsy · 08/12/2024 20:06

Noooooooo. Don’t do it!

I know what it’s like to just want to make contact but just be honest. I texted a bloke recently who I’d had a thing with once. I was just honest and said I was wondering how he was getting on. He said he was getting on great with his new girlfriend and that was the end of that…

Catoo · 08/12/2024 20:11

Did he break it off OP? Did he cheat? If either of those, it’s a big ‘no’ from me.

How long is it since you were together?

Babbahabba · 08/12/2024 20:12

When I was a lot younger (mid 40s) but I can't be arsed with stuff like nowadays. How old are you?

ouchwtf · 08/12/2024 20:27

KitsyWitsy · 08/12/2024 20:06

Noooooooo. Don’t do it!

I know what it’s like to just want to make contact but just be honest. I texted a bloke recently who I’d had a thing with once. I was just honest and said I was wondering how he was getting on. He said he was getting on great with his new girlfriend and that was the end of that…

Defo - it’s fine to just say hello! And 100% less weird.

mumda · 08/12/2024 20:40

He's an ex for a reason..

AmazingBouncingFerret · 08/12/2024 20:44

Hmm we’ve all been there to a certain degree. You won’t listen to people telling you not to do it, so I say go for it, and then at least when 20 years down the line some anonymous stranger is asking on a forum if it’s a good idea and you can categorically say “no don’t do it”

Swipe left for the next trending thread