What to do for christmas (help)

[qwerty964]

My partner and i have been together for 4 years now, we have spent every christmas with his family. This year my family want to come over for christmas and me hosting (which is fine for me) however my partner isnt happy at all about this due to the size of our house (small 3 bed detached) not huge but many people dont buy houses based on how many extended family members they can fit in it

he wants us to spend christmas again with his parents.

am i right in feeling he is being ridiculous? My family has always been quite fractured but we get on, they all love my partner, thought it would be nice to have all my family together again which hasn’t happened in years so now i am unsure what to do.

may i just add i have bent over backwards for his family our whole relationship, and never feel as though he puts the same effort back in to accommodate my family

How many family members will you be hosting? Is there enough room for everyone? Do any of your family have bigger homes and, if so, could they host this Christmas?

Your partner is selfish for always expecting you to spend Christmas with his family. Don't keep bending over backwards to please his family if he won't do the same for you.

Can your house actually accommodate your family? Is there a compromise where some or all of your family stay locally, to ease the pressure?

(Our wider family don't fit into my parents home now all the grandchildren have grown up. I would stay separately if we were all going to be there at the same time.)

So it will be 4 people coming over for dinner/the day and they won’t be staying, i would need to rearrange furniture in the living room but i think there would be enough space

Rearranged furniture and mismatched chairs is part of Christmas. We often have half the guests on a scrubbed down patio table (hidden under Christmas table cloth), pushed next to the main table.

Only 4 extra people in a 3 bed detached? Easily enough room, you know it's just an excuse he's using.
I think a compromise, that couples tend to make at Xmas, is to yearly alternate and each time, one does Xmas day while the other does Boxing day. Unless you all blend and spend Xmas day with both families at the same time (not often practical or workable).
Your DP is being thoroughly unreasonable wanting to go to his parents every year.

I think your Partner needs to grow up . You are a couple and compromise is needed.
Stick to your guns . This year it’s your turn to see your family , if he can’t bend then he’s not going to make a good life partner

I can see why you’re upset about it.
Is it that a big family Christmas isn’t his thing?
has he ever spent Christmas away from his family, does he just not want to do anything apart from see them?

it’s a bit of a shame but I’d just say that’s what you’re doing this year, would be nice if he co hosted with you and was there, but if he doesn’t want to he can go alone to his family.

If he feels so strongly he should go to his family alone and you host your family.
He is being completely unreasonable.

So it will be 4 people coming over for dinner/the day and they won’t be staying, i would need to rearrange furniture in the living room but i think there would be enough space

Your partner is definitely being ridiculous, obviously you can have four extra people around for dinner/the day.

And yes it's very selfish to always have Christmas with his family. (Allowances duly made for those whose partners' families are horrible so obviously they are never visited for Christmas...)

He's being a selfish brat who wants to have everything his way, that's not a partnership.
I suggest sticking to your guns about having your family over this year.
His attitude and behaviour will tell you if he's capable of an adult relationship.

We are having 4 guests in a small 3 bed terraced house!
We will have to use emergency chairs and at some point a few of us may be sat on cushions in the floor (we're all tipsy by then so it doesn't seem important!) All in all it is a long, exhausting, happy day and everyone is full to bursting and very merry.
Your partner sounds selfish and inconsiderate, I bet even if you got your way and you hosted your family he would sulk all day and ruin it for you.

We had 4 extra adults in a three bed terrace and all sleeping over when we first got together. That’s what Christmas is surely? We put the garden table next to the dining table, two people squished on the piano stool, huge Christmas tablecloth, lots of champagne. One of our best Christmases!!