My Mum asked: "What would you feel if he had an affair"

[PleaseSortItOut2025]

I've been trying to decide whether to leave my husband for years.

My mum said to me last week "What would you feel if he had an affair with someone" and the answer is "not much". I wouldn't love it and I would feel horrible about being lied to - but if I try to imagine him kissing someone else - it doesn't do anything to me really.

My mum said it's over then. Do you think that's true?

Well, you don't actually know how you'd feel until it happens.

But if you want out, I don't think you need to imagine an affair to decide that.

If you're unhappy, be honest. Start splitting up process with honesty, tact and kindness where possible.

I agree with her. When me and my ex finished after 8 years he got with a local barmaid straight away. I felt nothing and I even thought he might have cheated on me with her, I felt nothing. I just felt relieved I wasn't with him.

We actually parted as friends and I still say hello if I see him. We didn't have children together.

He didn't stay with her and I'm not sure if he's with someone now but hope he's happy. I met my DH not long after.

Not sure I don’t think you can know until it actually happens

Lord, I thought she was going to admit she was seeing your husband

Obviously you can’t know until it happens but the way you feel if you imagine him with another woman tells you a lot about the state of your connection (or lack of) with him.

An affair comes with its own connotations. I think there is value in thinking about how you would feel if they make a meaningful connection with someone else and successfully move onto another long term relationship after you theoretically split up. I remember reading a magazine article from a journalist who initiated her divorce because the grass looked greener and totally regretted it. She was so sad when her ex-husband stopped loving her and successfully moved on. If you think you would feel similar to Newbootsweather, then it may be worth considering if you don’t want your relationship to carry on.

It sounds like it, yes. I’d be making moves to separate - life’s awfully short to be in a relationship you have been swithering about leaving for years op.

I wouldn't feel sad if DH left and had a meaningful relationship with someone else. I'd be worried for the DC but I feel nothing at the thought of him loving someone else. I'd love to be single. I'd really really like to not live with a man.

I would however be concerned at my DC forming a relationship with a new partner of DHs. That's the thing stopping me leaving really. Also I don't hate DH. I just don't think I love him - I don't feel any jealousy about him being with women, and I don't miss him when he's not here.

A lot of couples around my parents age divorced as soon as the kids left home. How old is/are DC?