Mum said my babys true personality was coming out

[LoftyShark]

I've got the best baby ever, always smiling and generally never cries unless hurt etc.

However she will say stuff like "his real personality is coming out" or "he's got a wicked temper" when he shows any "negative" behaviour. Eg I shut the baby gate as he was trying to leave the room and he was.onviously not happy so cried in frustration/not understanding I'm trying to save him from falling down the stairs.

I think it steams from my mum not really understanding emotions and not wanting to help me with mine - eg I'm upset she says she doesn't know what to say etc.

Anyway I'm starting to resent my mum and be snappy at her when she says statements like the above.

My baby is 12 months old (1 year) so needs help with his emotions etc

Do you often go on about how fabulous your baby is? Like he's always smiley and hardly ever cries? It sounds a bit braggy/delusional so maybe she feels the need to highlight the reality.

Regardless she is bloody rude, she needs to stop these comments before he can understand and form beliefs about himself.

Sounds really trying - my mum has a habit of saying things like this, she couldn't say the right thing if her life depended on it but she generally means well. Most people honestly in my experience forget what little children are like even 5 years since theirs were small, so it's all surprising and difficult to them.

An involved grandparent can add enormous value - I know it's often difficult for the parents though!

It does sound old fashioned - my elder dd kicked out and screamed a lot at her toddler jabs and the nurse said 'oooh she's got a terrible temper just wait' - it used to be normal to label behaviour as personality.

So you expect your mother to control her reactions but you can't control yours?

Hi, OP here, forgot login.

No, I struggle immensely with being a single mum and most of the time I find it hard to appreciate him as I'm working/studying/looking after baby/running a house etc. When I speak to other parents or my family spend time with him they comment how he's so smiley, easy to put down etc. As do the nursery and my mum when she speaks about "us lot" or talks about how my sister struggled with multiple wake ups etc. Mum and sister also looked after my baby when I couldn't for a few days.

I will only say hes an easy baby to other mums when they say how do I cope etc being a single mum etc. or when I know they've been having a tough time and I tell them "yeah I struggle as well and I have the easiest baby to look after so I can't imagine how hard it is with colic/having more than one etc". Basically validate how hard it is being a parent.

I think it's an age/generational thing!

My mum is great with a crying baby due to pain etc but not other emotions!

My mum loves her grandchild so much and she too doesn't mean harm in her words... It's like she just doesn't say the right thing, ever haha

Yes this!

I wouldn't say to my child he's got a temper... And he sneezed in her face and she said don't do that it's rude... It would be better to say "whoops, let's try and do it into our elbow so we don't spread germs to other people". (Obviously 12 month old won't understand that but he will one day).

It triggers me so much because I didn't find the was very kind and caring to my emotional needs whatsoever.

What a weird conclusion

OP I wonder if your mum was raised (and perhaps tried to raise you?) to be very "nice" - compliant, not make a scene, not inconvenience anybody..?
My mum is like this, so when she makes similar comments to my young DC I find it brings up all sorts of subconscious feelings in me around not being heard or having my emotions dismissed as a child, and I find it difficult to respond in a controlled way to my mum.
What helps me is responding to my child instead. So if my toddler is crying and my mum says "No, no, be a good girl. It's not nice to make a fuss" 🙄 I completely ignore her and tell my daughter "It's OK to cry if you feel upset / anxious / whatever I think she's feeling. Everybody cries sometimes. Would you like a cuddle?"
It avoids any confrontation with my (mostly lovely, and very well intentioned) mum, but still affirms my child's feelings and (I hope) counteracts any shame they might feel as a result of her comments.

Honestly my mum is the same with crying /pain and I found that harder too). I do try and make it clear that it's no longer acceptable to say x y z but over time, you realise it's ok to appreciate people for what they can do, a lot of times we're just replaying things people have said to us in the same situation - did her mum say that to her about you?

Families really can push your buttons like nobody else can but it mostly sounds clumsy to me rather than intended to make you angry.