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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone continued a 'fake' marriage?

30 replies

blackdoves · 08/12/2024 11:42

So DH and I are in a bad place. He has met someone, but I've no idea to what extent they've taken their relationship.
In an ideal world we would just split. BUT... our DC is 16 and about to do GCSEs. Plus with it being so close to Christmas, I've suggested we stay together and appear all is good. For how long, I don't know.
I just wonder if anyone out there has done something similar and has any advice.
Thank you.

OP posts:
botherthatcat44 · 08/12/2024 18:55

Looks like op has brought it out into the open by messaging OW and talking to husband. I probably would have laid low with the information for a while to plan and prepare and maintain some kind of 'normality' for dc at this time but we are all different and there is always positives and negatives to everything. Wishing you all the best op.

BabsMcBabz · 08/12/2024 19:19

blackdoves · 08/12/2024 12:24

I don't think so.
I'm so broken at the moment I don't know what to do. I don't have family and only a few friends, but don't feel ready to talk to them yet.
I'm just thinking it best not to turn my DCs world upside down just yet

Im so sorry to hear you are feeling broken. It is an awful place to be. Maybe you could wait a few months till after exams and then act, providing you and your husband can get along ok?
You sound like a lovely mum, I hope it works out ok.

MissCherryBrandy · 08/12/2024 20:10

botherthatcat44 · 08/12/2024 18:51

Staying until next summer, wouldn't have been possible for me.
One thing at a time though, information is your power. And tell him NOTHING of your plans.

Yes, I understand this. Once I say something, I will need to act upon it as things are very difficult as it stands so drawing it out further would make for an unbearable time. Misscherry can I ask how old your dc were when you divorced? Not that it makes a huge difference I suppose. People divorce at all sorts of ages and stages. Having a dc come through GCSE's would be a turning point though. I can see how this could be the better time of a never good time to instigate the process.

My 2 were 8 and 10. Very difficult at the time. Looking back I've no idea how I held it together and got the kids through it, as best I could. Living together for longer would have been a nightmare for me.

630j6 · 08/12/2024 20:12

My dad and step mum did this after she cheated. They pretended for six months whilst my youngest sister finished her gcses. All of my siblings and I wish they'd just told us. We could sense something wasn't right which was very unnerving. I wasn't living with them so it wasn't as hard for me but it was very difficult for my youngest sibing and in no way helped her with studying for her exams.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/12/2024 00:47

I think 6 months of living in a really bad atmosphere home could be worse for her revision than dad moving out

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