Reflecting on something that happened a number of years ago in my marriage. DH had a habit of name calling in arguments and in daily life.
I was in the kitchen and I couldn’t find the tea towel to dry the dishes, I searched the kitchen - DH was sitting next to DS (6) I was getting annoyed, generally, as it was just in my hand, DH out of nowhere said - It’s right next to you, you retard. Can’t remember if he said fucking retard or absolute retard. It took me by surprise and I was shocked.
I pulled him up on it saying it was a disgusting word, don’t ever call me that again. It was his birthday the next day and my parents had organised a birthday meal for him, got dressed up and were ready to leave, I gave him his gifts and made an effort but I struggled to hide how I was still upset. DH then, 20 minutes before his birthday meal point blank refused to go as I was still punishing him, it was awful and I had to phone my parents to cancel the whole thing. I had then ruined his birthday according to him.
Been called every name under the sun, everything you can think of, even jokey names, not when we are arguing such as lummox, rat, slug etc.
He’s finally stopped with the name calling after I threatened to leave twice and told him I will not tolerate it.
The damage is done however and I feel a complete block when it comes to any kind of physical affection towards him, I cannot bear him touching me. Despite all of this he can be lovely, generous, affectionate, funny, reasonable in an argument and interesting to talk to. He can be so nice and normal. So nice in fact that it feels almost like I have imagined it all. He tried to cuddle and stroke me on the couch last night, wants to watch tv with his head in my lap with me stroking him and I just freeze and want to run away, I still enjoy talking to him about the children, about our day, current events, he’s intelligent and interesting but physically I cannot be near him.
Thank you for reading so far.