Morning,
My dad has alzheimer's, diagnosed about four or five years ago. Now in quite rapid decline, though at the moment he's still being cared for by his wife (though she had a big stroke a few years ago and her mobility is challenged).
Anyway, my brother, uncle and I all live within an hour or two of them - and we've all tried in recent years to get her to engage on his care/future plans. She just closes everything down, super controlling, has always been like this. Shuts them away and doesn't entertain any suggestions of local support services/home help. Shes beyond stubborn and difficult...
My brother tried to sit her down and talk to her about dad's care and future plans. She shut everything down, except a move to where her elderly sister lives (Scotland) but dismissed it as too much upheaval. He got nowhere, left angry, sad and frustrated by it all.
Fast forward a week and she sends a short email to us all saying she's decided to relocate them to Glasgow, near her sister (80) and her nephew. No discussion. With a link to the property.
Completely blindsided me. She said there's 'nothing for them' where they are (which was horrid as he's his whole family and two grandchildren within 40 miles and she wants to move him 400 miles away).
She has power of attorney, my brother and I are replacement power of attorneys - for both of them.
It's deeply sad and my brother says there's no reasoning with her. But she never contacts us, so will we never see dad again, and who will care for him if she becomes incapacitated, etc? Her sister won't speak to us - thinks we've all not been supportive to her despite her shutting us out over 20 years and refusing to engage.
I believe that he's in a coercive controlled relationship and I saw him yesterday and he's very confused. One minute thinks he's just moving there temporarily, then wants to stay where he is, then thinks he's moving to france. He went missing a month or so again which she's using as the reason for the move saying she didn't get support - but she never even told me he'd gone missing. It's all beyond difficult, sad, impossible and I don't know what to do anymore. I have sent her a list of questions about what happens in different scenarios for care for dad, and how such a big move isn't in his best interests.
What can we do? I thought of getting adult social services to do an assessment? But only if the move actually looks like it's happening.
Why is she so utterly impossible, argh.
Thank you and any help appreciated. I couldn't believe she told us all in a short email. She makes out I don't care about my dad but she's consistently shut me out over decades.