Can I do this?

[HeyItsMeImTheProblem]

Hello MNers. I found out recently that my H has been seeing someone else.

He says he's been u happy for 'months' and this fling has been going on 'a few weeks'.

Until I found out he was in often telling me how happy he was and we've got lots of things booked for 2025 and things always felt good to me.

We have no DC together but he has a DS and so do I. We own the house 50/50.

I am pretty sure we can't come back from this. He's made no real effort to 'fight' for me / us. If anything he's tried to deflect. I just feel so utterly broken into a million pieces.

Please tell me how I get through this. I thought he was my forever person.

No I am not. Do I shout, yes. Do I get pissed off with the never ending mental load of general load, yes. Do I shout sometimes, also yes. Am I always awful to him? Absolutely not.

He says he's been unhappy for months. His behaviour does not reflect that at all.

I'm just so so so sad. And scared. And feel totally and utterly on my own in this. It's me that's got to sort the house out. It's me that will have to deal with the estate agents etc. That is likely to help me as I'll be in control though. I just wish he'd give me enough money now to buy me out and I could find a furnished rented for a bit. I want to fast forward to next year when it's all over.

Read that message back to yourself. You want to be with this man? Think about that for a second. Would the you before you met him put up with this shit?

Him saying he doesn't think you'll get past this is him breaking up the marriage. I'm sorry, he wants out. Get angry at what he's done and how he's now manipulating you!

Staying with him would be terrifying.

Calm down. I was responding based on your information that he said you are always screaming at him
You say shouting, he says screaming. Either way it DOESNT sound like it was a happy and loving relationship.

I wasn't being defensive I was just trying to answer but in a way that answered it for me too. I'm literally smashed into a billion pieces and have nothing in me. I'm fragile so please don't think I was on the attack. I really wasn't / aren't. This is still very new and raw. The news hit on Friday.

This feels so so painful. Like the sort of pain I will never ever get through / over.

Please tell me it gets better.

Of course you will get through it and it will get easier. It’s only just happened and is still very raw. You’re still in shock. Give yourself some time to come to terms with what’s happened.

Thank you. I am trying to keep telling myself the truth here. He chose to do this. He chose to avoid any issues we had. He chose repeatedly see this woman. He chose to repeatedly lie about it. He is choosing to continue to blame me for it.

It's astonishing. What an absolute specimen of a coward.

The question about whether I'd put up with this sort of carry on before I met him, the answer is 100% no. I would not. I wouldn't tolerate it for me, my friends or my child.