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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship - unsure if this is a problem or if I'm overthinking

6 replies

Anothernamechane · 07/12/2024 16:46

I need some advice on my relationship of 8 months. For some background I was single by choice for 10 years after an abusive relationship. I'd say I probably have a bit of an avoidant attachment style and have had to talk myself down several times during this relationship because I'm aware I'm looking for an excuse to run.

Boyfriend has been a friend of 10 years. In many ways he's been great, very understanding about me probably having endometriosis (in a very long waiting list) which means we don't have much of a sex life, never played games, relationship has gone at the right pace. But something recently is annoying me and I don't know if it's a big thing or not.

He frequently recently has been often telling me I'm wrong about small inconsequential things. Really daft things like I mentioned Richard Cole's being gay and he insisted he's not and claims I'm just confusing him with Jimmy Somerville, or I mentioned I'd seen a red squirrel which is really rare in the part of the uk I'm in and for that reason he just stated I hadn't in spite of me absolutely knowing what I saw. There have been maybe half a dozen instances like this in the last two times I've seen him.

On top of that occasionally if I do get something wrong, I'll always correct myself, it's not like I can't accept it - but he'll cast it up to me in a jokey way. Back when he first got together I remember him telling me that at one point early in our friendship he thought I was a bit of a know it all and it annoyed him but he doesn't feel that way now. Full disclosure I'm probably on the spectrum, they wanted to asses me and my mum said no. DD is on the diagnostic pathway. He's aware of this. I do enjoy a fact and tend to talk too much. As evidenced by this massive post. I can't help but shake the feeling he's still finding me annoying and is subtly trying to take me down a peg.

Next time he does it I'll address it but feel like he'll pass it off as being playful. He's quite jokey and always has been. Would this bother you? I was alone for a long time and I'm hyper aware of red flags and don't want to put up with shite. But I also don't know if this is even a big deal

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 07/12/2024 16:49

He's not on your side. Dump.

Potentiallyplausible · 07/12/2024 16:50

Yes, that would bother me.

IDontHateRainbows · 07/12/2024 16:51

Well, if you can't have a conversation with him about it I'd say that's the main problem right there

Terrribletwos · 07/12/2024 16:52

It's just too difficult, it really shouldn't be like this. End it.

Anothernamechane · 07/12/2024 17:00

I can have a conversation with him about it and intend to later. I guess my main issue that's stopped me is I'm frequently second guessing if I'm self sabotaging because of my history. I basically chose to stay single for a decade because I don't trust men or myself to make good choices and I've cut and run after a few dates countless times at the first glimpse of a red flag or perceived red flag. I think a lot of people must think I'm quite abnormal because I'm not comfortable in a relationship the way I am when I'm single.

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 07/12/2024 17:49

“I'm not comfortable in a relationship the way I am when I'm single.”

Just be single. That’s what you’re most comfortable with. There’s nothing wrong with that.

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