My Partner Has Had Many Issues For a Long Time!

[Stability2]

Am I right to be mad!

I have 4 months ago given birth to a gorgeous girl. But for the whole of my pregnancy issues started to arise and partner began to show me a complete different side.
We've been together 4 years but for the past year he has been nothing I could of imagined him to be.

Started with outbursts of outrage especially after a drink that lead to weekends of it and me running around after him pregnant. Not ever being able to relax.

His Drinking became that of a fear and we had the discussion that he stopped it. That he done well with for a couple months....AND THEN IT STARTED AGAIN!

Lies .....lead to arguments ....the lies about him drinking after coming home which I knew he had. And then turns very angry (he knows why I hate it so much due to previous behaviours).

Anyway....lies continued ...he earns a very good salary alone (I only have savings now)
But it always seems we struggle for money when we really shouldn't with his salary.

If we argue he can't deal with the stress ends up drinking and I not allowing him home.

Well this most recent situation of last week ....he went to the shop I noticed the change in him when he returned and I asked the question....as to which he became very argumentative and angry. (He had been caught out) so how long has he been hiding the drinking from me!

On the Friday I was so angry I told him not to return home and that I had had enough of the lies and excessive spending ...drinking ect. We have a new baby it's not on!
He doesn't have anywhere else to go other than hotels so I assumed he booked a hotel for that evening.
Well this turned into a 4 day outing of to and throw arguing over text ....on the
2 other nights he stayed at a friends...The Monday he returned and I'm even more angry on his return as he knew he had to because
For 1 he had been spending excessive amounts so he couldn't afford to be out anymore.

To then me only finding out Tuesday he had been excessively drinking taking drugs and he had gambled every last penny of wages away!

Left us with absolutely nothing. Just before Christmas aswell.

I don't have anyone else to go to for help with borrowing as they aren't around anymore.

I just don't know what to do I'm sick of his behaviours for the past year and now leaving us like this with nothing!

Wanted to rant on here because I'm so fed up of being so alone with it all.

Are you on maternity leave and have a job to go back to? I am really sorry, his behaviour is unacceptable- to put it mildly. I would be making plans to leave, I know that is easier said than done. You said that there was no one to borrow from- are your parents nearby or do you have any support in real life?

Yes I'm on maternity leave but I am going to have to leave my job due to the hours they will still expect me to work when I am due back febuary. So will have to seek a new job to work around baby.
No my family aren't around anymore and he seems to have messed up any option of that from friends or family as they clearly know these behaviours of him.

I feel so stupid I just never knew. I've been thinking for months to leave its just I can't up and leave because this was my home beforehand. Luckily I rent!

I have friends who have been there through tough times with him before but they are very reserved now as I think they are just so fed up of hearing all the crap he still does.

I've been told time and time again to leave him.
I will add on a good days he's great is good with our daughter helps around the house works hard.
But then what he has done now ....like for me it just feels like its the last push!

I'm so fed up!

If you rent and the flat is in your name then he has no legal right to be there. So, tell him to leave permanently. If he won’t, call the police and have him removed. It’s up to him to find a new place. He’s a grown man and he has friends he can go to if not a hotel whilst he finds a new place. He’s not your responsibility. You and your baby are.

He’s an abusive alcoholic, drug user and gambler. Not a good guy. He’s left your family with nothing. That’s financial abuse. He’s an aggressive drunk, that’s abuse. He is good sometimes and terrible other times, that’s the cycle of abuse. Abusers often ramp up their abuse and let their mask slip once they think they have you trapped, like when you have a baby, have to give up work and depend on them financially. This is the real man you are now seeing.

Speak to women’s aid about how to end the relationship safely. Remember, if you are a single parent, you will be entitled to claim universal credit and help towards childcare costs. You might also be eligible for housing benefit and council tax benefit. He will also have to pay maintenance for your baby. Get into cms right away. you can check what benefits you’ll be entitled to here

https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk

And how much child maintenance you would get here

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Have a read of this book, (it’s free)

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

And you might want to contact Al-Anon for support and advice too because even if you split, you’ll be tied to this man for the rest of your life due to having a child with him. You might want to consider if he’s safe to be around your child if he might be drinking or on drugs during contact.

https://al-anonuk.org.uk

You don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t put up with it. You need to protect yourself and your child from this man. Seek support to do so.