Healing advice/so low

[siyana]

Hey, really just want to hear some words of reassurance from those that have gone through a similar experience and genuinely felt like it will never get better. Long story short, when a long term relationship comes to an end without closure... do you finally stop waking up in the night thinking of the person or first thing on your mind in the morning, someone you would speak to daily for 6 years to suddenly ignoring you for a month. I've accepted the situation but I just find myself stuck in this low mood of depression, I tried to socialise and be around people yesterday but entire time i was thinking of him being so happy and moving on so quick and was depressed. I left quite early on and couldn't find myself happy I was looking at other guys there speaking to females and thinking of him. I can't find myself present in the moment, any chance I get I will sleep. I've stopped messaging him a week ago and I've forced myself to stop checking his social media a few days ago. Honestly, feel like it will never end.

I'm one-and-a-half years through this and, yes, it's slowly getting easier. There hasn't been one day in that time that I haven't thought about him, but I now feel I'm starting to look forwards rather than looking backwards. We were together 5 years.

It’s only been a month. So it’s very raw. It will get better with time. Keep socialising. Get out every day and go for a walk. It will boost your mood. You might still think of him but just try to shift your focus when this happens. Try to focus on your immediate surroundings. What can you see, hear, smell. Do things that make you happy. Watch funny movies. Start keeping a gratitude journal. This will help shift your focus from what you’re missing to appreciating what you have now. Get a fresh notepad, one that’s fancy and you like. Every day, write 3 things you’re grateful for in your life. It can be anything, from a friend to a favourite smell, food, having a roof over your head, air in your lungs. Whatever it is for you. Then read it back to yourself each day. By the end of the week you’ll have a list of 21 things you’re grateful for. Keep it going by adding to it every day and reading the full list back to yourself. It sounds mad but it works. It changes your focus from what you don’t have to what you do have. You’ll still think of him and feel crap initially but given some time, it will start to fade. Self care us important. Do things that make you feel good.

Oh and block him on your phone, social media etc so you can get drawn back in to looking. It’s only prolonging your hurt. Trust me, a clean break is a better way to go. Don’t torture yourself. The less you look, the quicker you’ll heal. If you keep going back and looking, you’re anchoring yourself in a painful place. Lift the anchor and move on to a better place.

I’ve been there so you have my sympathy - I think it was the worst thing I’ve ever been through but I was happier than ever once I got over it and I’m sure you will be too.

It will take time but I think once you stop contacting him it will help you move forward.
Block him. Delete all numbers so that you can’t contact him. Remove him from social media. Each time you think of him tell yourself to stop and do something else to distract yourself.

@RubyRedBow I second that . I've never actually experienced grief when someone has died , but being suddenly blindsided and ghosted by someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with sent me into utter physical and emotional turmoil .
I can only offer that cliche of it takes time. I honestly thought that year was going to kill me but I'm still here 11 years later with a totally different life .

I needed to block completely, for quite a long time. Same as you, it hurt to see her carrying on happy, as normal, as if nothing happened, after 6 years of sharing everything, every day.
Even now, more than 12 months in, it still sort of does my head in having innocent contact. Just take time out from other relationships until your head is really ready to accept them without bringing old hurt with you. And when you're ready you'll find your new happy.
You'll get there - but don't punish yourself by having any contact, don't set yourself a timescale for it, have no expectations of him whatsoever or you'll be disappointed - you'll get there in your own time.

It will. I think it's something like a month for every year you were together you're supposed to give yourself. Or something like that.

You will heal. It'll happen. But it needs a clean break and some self care.

YES it does get better. I still remember the jolt every morning of realising he’s not there, remembering everything again and re-living the heartbreak. I remember sleeping a lot then too, just to get some reprieve from it all. I’m happily married now with DC, but that was impossible to imagine back then.

It is such early days for you. But one day you won’t feel like this anymore, you’ll wake up in the morning and your first thought won’t be of him and you’ll have freedom! Every moment is getting closer to that moment. Anyone who ghosts you is not deserving of you. There’s so much happiness in your future, believe it.