What is this?

[girIque]

Hi everyone,
I'm looking for some advice on why could my DP possibly act like this?

I've been with DP 4 years and have a 1 year old together. Before DP I was life of the party , loved being social and having fun with my friends, since meeting dp that all stopped and only happened once in a while. Then of course since having baby I've been out a lot less, I now only go on a night out if it's an occasion like celebrating a friends birthday.

Here's an example of what happened yesterday as I went out last night.

• feels the need to make plans the day after I make plans. (He's now going out tonight)
• as soon as I make plans he feels the need to text his mates "pints?"
• will pretend to be really happy that I'm going out. Puts on an "act" , will put music on and dance and says he feels extremely happy (for no reason he just does) but it seems as if he's pretending if that makes sense?
• Said he was taking baby to see Santa whilst I went out. with his friend, knowing fine rightly we made plans to do this together next week and knows I will want to be there for first time baby sees Santa. (He never went, I know he says stuff just to get into my head and annoy me)
• I asked him for a lift and he said all evening no, he can't & then right before I was booking a taxi he offered me a lift. (No reason why he couldn't give me a lift)
• comes across extremely passive aggressive.
• will constantly text me when I'm out and say "better be no boys"

It just annoys me, I feel nervous at times that I'm going out. He says he doesn't care but then will act like he cares.

Why is he doing this?????

He’s doing it because he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t want you to have a life outside of him.

This is no life OP. Have you thought about next steps?

He’s doing it because he’s jealous and controlling. Both massive red flags.

He's doing it because he's very immature.

The father of my oldest child behaved like this. That ended very badly. It’s insecurity and jealousy. It’s also about control and putting a spanner in the works of your night out without him. Awful. Awful.

You say since meeting Dp you enjoyed socialising but all that stopped .
I think he is a jealous and insecure man and you really need to think about your future before he gets any more controlling than he is already .

He really does think that men will hit on you every time you go out anywhere at all. Such jealousy and insecure behaviour gets worse and I would think he has behaved worse towards you since the birth of your child. He thinks you’re now trapped.

This is a relationship you really do not want to remain in going forward. Controlling behaviour like this from him is abusive in nature.

Because he doesn’t like you having any life that doesn’t revolve around him. This is abusive behaviour. It’s controlling. Passive aggression is abusive behaviour. Constantly messaging you when you’re out is controlling and abuse behaviour. Threatening to take baby to things so you will miss out is controlling behaviour. It’s emotional abuse. The fact that you are walking on eggshells is very telling. You are starting to be conditioned to not do these things because you know you will get some kind of unpleasant payback for daring to do normal things like seeing your friends. It’s also a way to isolate you from your support network which is very common with abusive men.

Im sorry to say this but these men don’t change. They don’t get better. They get worse. First it’s passive aggression, then it’s making you feel bad for going out, then it’s accusations of cheating, telling you what you can wear, where you can go and who with. Isolating you. Controlling the finances. It might even escalate to physical and/or sexual abuse.

Get out now. Take your child with you. Don’t let your child grow up in a household where there is an abuser. It will damage them. They will either grow up to be abused themselves or become the abuser.

Read this book, (it’s free) and contact women’s aid for advice and support to make an exit plan.

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

He does it because he knows its having the desired effect on you. I'm guessing he's controlling and manipulative in other ways/situations too. The solution is to make it clear that you don't give toss about his passive aggressive behaviour and reactions. Grey rock as much as possible and play him off at his own game where appropriate.

• Said he was taking baby to see Santa whilst I went out. with his friend, knowing fine rightly we made plans to do this together next week and knows I will want to be there for first time baby sees Santa. (He never went, I know he says stuff just to get into my head and annoy me)

So have a go at him for letting down your child by not going when he said he would. Tell him he's unreliable.

• I asked him for a lift and he said all evening no, he can't & then right before I was booking a taxi he offered me a lift. (No reason why he couldn't give me a lift)

Carry on and book the taxi, tell him you don't want/need him to drive you. He refused to, so you make other arrangements. Don't let him keep you on a bit of elastic, mucking you around like this. He'll keep doing it until you stand up to it.

• will constantly text me when I'm out and say "better be no boys"

Reply telling him there's no boys, but there are loads of men. And some pretty hot ones - you and your friends are busy scoring them out of 10.

If he keeps on messaging you, tell him your phone is dying, and ask him to text your friend's number if there's a real emergency like the house burning down.

As @altmember has suggested, don't entertain his behaviour.
I had an ex like this. It was rather sneaky behaviour in my mind and took me a long time to realise what he was doing, controlling my enjoyment. He hated the idea that I could have fun with anyone without him present.

For the texting during the evening, nip it in the bud early on with a "I'm out enjoying myself with my friends. I won't have my phone out untill I'm on my way home. Have a lovely evening with baby. "

Is he otherwise fantastic?