AIBU

[alexis97]

Hi ladies,

So DH is going out tonight for a leaving do, I have no issues about him going out. My concern is that there are people going who really are not nice people, work trouble makers who he's already had a run in with. This girl is toxic, she openly brags about doing drugs while pregnant with her kids are they all do drugs when they go out (coc@ine) my husband wanted to stay overnight in a hotel with bloke he works with so he didn't have to get the last train home but this lad also takes drugs, I spoke to my husband regarding the concerns and he brushed me off saying that this lad isn't doing drugs as he's applied for the police. I really don't feel comfortable him being there overnight in a room with a man who is potentially going to be off his nut who he's known less than a year and raised this concern with him twice. This has resulted in an argument and he's said that I need to stop raising concerns with him on the day and talk to him which I have twice in the space of days... apparently I need to tell him I don't want to stay out.. I don't mind him going out with his friends, he has a great group of friends but this work group I can not get away with, they give bad vibes. We've argued and I feel like I've ruined his day out all because I'm concerned...

He is an adult. You have voiced your opinion, OP, but what your husband does is entirely up to him. You sound like you don't trust him, which is very sad.

You’re not his mum!!!
What makes you think you’re the better judge of characters than he is when he’s the one working with them and knows them, you come across as superior, like you know better than him. It’s very patronising and controlling.

A lot of my work colleagues openly admit to taking drugs. I don’t.

I can safely go out and not touch drugs. None of the drug users I know are ‘off their heads’

You are being ridiculous.

If your adult husband wants to take drugs, he will. If he doesn’t, being around people that do won’t make him take them.

you probably have ruined his night out, to be honest, as you’re implying he can’t make his own decisions or be trusted.

As my mum used to say…’if his mate jumped off a cliff would he?’

Just because his mate does coke doesn’t mean he will. I don’t really get why you keep going on about it to him, I would be pissed off with you too and feel like you were trying to find excuses to stop me going!

Hes an adult with his own agency. I know lots of people who do drugs, I’ve never touched them.

It sounds like you aren’t quite as ok about him going out as you claim

He has cyclothmia which is a mild form of bipolar, and can be quite impulsive. I've been through a lot with this man in the years we have been married. He has also used in the past. He has a job coming up where drug tests are mandatory. These people have wound him up in trouble on many occasions. I have dealt with so much with this man. My concerns are not about him going out. People who use drugs can be unpredictable and he doesn't know them well enough and I did not feel comfortable him being in a hotel room with someone under the influence. I'm not controlling or ridiculous. Just concerned. We have a family and I don't want to pick up the pieces.

He has also used in the past. He has a job coming up where drug tests are mandatory

I should have put a bet on that drip feed.

I think you are being a bit ridiculous. You sound like you’re talking about a teenager not your husband. If you are worried about him taking drugs you need to talk to him about it, but he is an adult. Unless there is another drip feed where all the staff will be taking hallucinogenic drugs, then I don’t think you need to be worried if he is just in their company.

Well I don't blame you for being worried.
But if your DH wants to go out with these people you can't really stop him.
Hopefully he will behave in a responsible manner.