I’m new here and really need some advice please.
Nearly 25 yrs married and I am at a crossroad.
The back story in brief. My husband had anger issues for 20 odd years. Eventually went on meds to try and control it. Kind of worked. My eldest is not his and even tho he adopted him, I’ve always felt he didn’t particularly like him. He used to make fun of him to our other kids, always digging about something. I went on ad’s a few years ago due to suffering with anxiety which I believe started due to my OH anger/outbursts. My eldest kids have felt it too. My youngest kids also now see what he’s like especially to my eldest.
Amongst many other things that have happened, and following early menopause, I stopped wanting/having sex. I realise now it was not only due to MP but because I felt I have to protect myself and that it was my way of standing up to his hurtful words. I didn’t want to give myself to
him as it made me feel weak. He had major issues in his childhood with his parents. Never had counselling and it has always been quite evident to me that a lot of his problems arose from this. He is quite immature for a middle age man and conversation is sometimes painful. He doesn’t think before he speaks and tells stupid lies in the company of others, making himself sound/seem more well off than he is. I’ve recently found out that he is commenting on complete strangers social media, specifically photos of women. I have confronted him and he says it didn’t mean anything and it was only because they’ve commented or liked things he has posted. I don’t believe him. Ive always felt i I could trust him on this level and it has made everything 100 times worse for me. I realise im not giving him the ‘attention’ that he needs and feel slightly responsible for this behaviour. Equally, I despise the fact that if you don’t ’please’ a man in the bedroom he’ll likely look elsewhere, regardless of the reasons why it’s not happening! He works a lot and has always wanted to give us everything he can, and I get told this every single time we have words…it always reverts back to this as if I should be grateful for that alone. He has always complimented me and tells me he loves me all the time. I’ve tried talking to him, but I get scared of not saying the right thing in the right way and that it will become nasty. So now I say very little and try to avoid confrontation. As with most people in this situation, when it’s good it’s good, but I think there has been so much that has gone on, I don’t think there’s any coming back from it. Sometimes I look at him and I fancy him still, but more often I cringe with what he is saying. He dramatises and exaggerates things a lot to the point I never know what to believe anymore.
Bottom line is I’m scared. Scared of making the wrong decision, scared for my future, scared of the upheaval separation will cause and I really don’t know what to do. I know not having sex is a big deal in a relationship and I feel like that should tell me all I need to know. Has anyOne else been in a similar situation?