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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband behaviour

32 replies

number30 · 06/12/2024 23:01

On occasions I talk about the future with my husband, I might suggest a holiday idea or something. He sometimes responds with things like, ‘Yes, that sounds good, but I won’t be with you’, or once he said ‘Hopefully you’ll be dead’, when I suggested our life in ten years. Is this abusive behaviour by him?

OP posts:
LaurenAction · 08/12/2024 11:08

Can I suggest you speak to Women's Aid about how to end the relationship as safely as you can @number30 ? As much as he seems to agree that things are not good I doubt very much he will make it easy for you to make your own decisions. "Hopefully you'll be dead" is very, very alarming and not to be taken lightly. No matter how much you think you know him, please do not trust him.

Flowers
Original poster
number30 · 08/12/2024 11:13

SunflowerTed · 08/12/2024 00:27

Feel so sad for you x

Thank you 🙏 Don’t feel sad because I have no regrets so far because of my children but I feel it’s make or break for regrets that I might have from here if I don’t make the right decision.

OP posts:
Didsomeonesaydogs · 08/12/2024 11:15

My mouth fell open at that. He’s supposed to be the person who loves you most in the world. Even if he tries to pass it off as a joke, wishing your partner dead is absolutely not at all funny to anyone.

Please make plans to separate. Being alone is way better than living with someone who is so comfortable showing his complete lack of respect and care for you.

Original poster
number30 · 08/12/2024 11:17

LaurenAction · 08/12/2024 11:08

Can I suggest you speak to Women's Aid about how to end the relationship as safely as you can @number30 ? As much as he seems to agree that things are not good I doubt very much he will make it easy for you to make your own decisions. "Hopefully you'll be dead" is very, very alarming and not to be taken lightly. No matter how much you think you know him, please do not trust him.

Flowers

Thank you. In my googling for answers, looking at his behaviours, narcissism comes up and gaslighting, then also emotional abuse and a pathway opened towards Women’s Aid. I realise now the constant but trickle of similar comments isn’t right. I will have another look, thank you. 🙏

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 08/12/2024 12:44

Life’s for living not regretting OP
You deserve much better

TangerinePlate · 08/12/2024 13:31

OP, there’s no bigger contempt than wishing somebody dead.

He’s full of it. Do yourself a favour and divorce hateful bastard. Surely he’ll be glad for his wish to not to be with you anymore granted.

You have one life. Don’t waste the rest of your precious years on somebody who hates you

Good luck 💐

madmumofteens · 08/12/2024 14:40

Life is too short OP you deserve so much better if not for you do it for your kids break the cycle you don't want them to think that is how a man treats his wife 🥹

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