Advice

[Boredandgrumpynow]

I feel I have messed up my life. I am 42. Two children that I shared with ex who don't really want to stay with me in my tiny house. My parents hate me for having an affair and leaving my husband. I have to spend all my time working. My DP lives a long way away and won't move to me and I can't leave here. I hardly have any money and can't buy a house. My children have their own rooms at there dad's and have to share a tiny room here. A few weeks ago I was so sad as one of them called my exes partner 'mum'. Any advice? I am just so tired all off the time.

When we split up, he tricked me into saying I would not force the children to move out of the house, in front of my kids, so that they knew they were staying

Um yeah you’re not supposed to force the kids out the family house when YOU were the one that cheated and they want to stay with their Dad. Why did he have to trick you into being slightly decent? Your attitude is vile.

The more you write the more sympathy I have for your ex.

I think the OP sounds depressed. I see little point in kicking her while she’s down.

OP maybe focus on just having a nice Christmas with your kids for now and re-evaluate in the new year? A previous suggestion of getting some more training is not a bad idea. Have you always been in the same job? Do you live in an expensive area?

@Boredandgrumpynow you do sound very down. A few things stick out on this post to me . Was there never a long term plan with your DP at the point of the affair. Why can he not move nearer to you seeing as you’ve given up a comfortable life and are consequently suffering? I think at least having him near by would cut some of the stress you you.

Also you mention your dc would not be happy if you told them you had a partner. I get that. My kids were the same and this is generally the case for most mums however unfair it is. That’s because your DC will see you as their rock no matter what. And it seems yours are the same and they want you to themselves! Be in no doubt your children love you and try and focus on making good memories.

Also, you mention your ex H seems to have r picked himself up after the divorce. I dare say the affair made him sort himself out as he didn’t have you there as a crutch. Try and see if you can get any more money from him in the CSA.

My opinions may go against the grain a bit with other posters but you posted for support so I hope this helps. Take care x

Surely you knew this was the probable outcome for betrayal. You thought your ex would basically just move out and pay you to be able to keep the house? that the DC wouldn't be affected? and that you'd get to sail off into the sunset with your AF, one so devoted that now you're free won't even move to you.
Honestly, your thinking is astounding, especially after what you did.

Yeah as I said I know I have messed up. Thanks for all the wonderful comments.

Is this Daily Mail fishing expedition? It doesn’t read as genuine.

You played a real stupid game and won a real stupid prize 🤷🏾‍♀️. It's unfortunate, but you were in too precarious a financial position to gamble your family on a man who doesn't even seem to want a relationship with you.

And at a time when you're children are old enough to vote with their feet, so you don't even get them and by extension, CM. This was not a well-laid plan at all.

This is what happens when we are led by our nether regions.

Learn from it and try not to blow up your next relationships in a similar way.

You started off sounding like you wanted to see your kids more and have a better relationship, but then you say this. I couldn't imagine complaining I had less time to myself when I previously only had my kids 30% of the time. I couldn't imagine agreeing to that when my kids were 9 and 7 as yours were when you moved out. What is your priority here? If it's a better relationship with your kids then focus on building that. I'd start by putting a single bed for me in the little room and giving my DC the bigger room so they have a nicer environment when they stay over. Then I'd start doing more things they like with them, game together if they like that. If you say what they like I'm sure people can suggest cheap or free ideas along those lines. I can't afford holidays, my XH can, doesn't mean the kids would rather be at his place. Have a honest think about how you're reacting to your circumstances and if that makes it uncomfortable for them to be at your place. You can change things if you really want to but it means working at it and letting go of your resentment things didn't turn out how you wanted.