Soul-mates that wasn't meant to be?...

[Ggggggggggggggggyh]

Hiya. So, I'm a 35 year old mum to a 6 years old son. I have a husband two years older than I am and have been happily married for 8 years.

Today, my son asked me a question:
"Mummy, is daddy your soul mate?"
I thought about it for a moment before saying, "No. Daddy is Mummy's husband and life long partner."

And then my child continued to ask "Oh, okay. But does that mean he's your soul mate? Isn't life long partner and soul mate the same thing?"
I was honestly surprised by these questions he was asking me and I had to keep reminding myself that he was only 6 years old. I don't believe in having a soul mate. I believe that any man and woman can have more than one life long partner (like how there are step-fathers and step-mothers) and that it all comes down to being at the right place and the right time when you choose to spend the rest of your life with the "one". Throughout my life, I have met two guys (before my husband) who I genuinely wanted to spend the rest of my life with because we really just clicked and the feelings were mutual although neither guys ever asked me out because in both instances, the timing and the situation were all just wrong. One of them is now happily married and a parent and the other is living his dream by working on what he enjoys the most. Could they have been the "one"? Maybe, but that ship has sailed long and gone and we are all happy with where we are now. So where did the term "soul mate" even come from?

Going back to my son, I sat him on my lap and said, "Daddy isn't my soul mate. I don't think there is such a thing as a soul mate. Mummy loves Daddy super duper much and Daddy loves Mummy just as much as we love you. We promised to spend the rest of our lives together to make each other super happy and to start a family so that we can share that love and happiness with you and with each other. It's important to remember that there are so many people in the world who needs love. One day, at the right time and at the right place, you will meet someone who will love you the way Mummy and Daddy love each other. It's always important to remember that it's never a race. Just take your time."

My son listened and just said "Okay." 😅 I don't know if he understood any of that but he didn't ask anymore questions.

So, if your child had asked you that question, what would you have said? I'm really interested to know what other parents think.

I would have just said 'yes' 🤷‍♀️

Blimey. He's 6, just say yes.

When my 6 year old asked me if DH was my soul mate I asked her what soul mate means. She replied “it’s the person you love most so you marry them.” I said to her “in that case yes he is my soul mate” and moved on. When she’s older and can understand better I will explain my views which are similar to yours.

Your son is very bright in that he understands what a soul mate is. Where did he hear the term?

I also would have said yes but I can understand why you explained, given his precociousness.

I'd say soulmate is a made-up idea, so best not to use the term.

I agree with you OP: I don't really believe in Soul mates and I think the expression is vastly over usedthese days.

I also admire the fact you took the time and took your son seriously enough to sit down and explain this to him.

It's lovely to hear of parents sitting talking to their children and having proper conversations. I don't believe in fobbing children off with an easy answer if it's possible to try and provide a thoughtful answer.

A 6 year old I might have just said yes.
But I don't believe in soulmates or even "the one" either (I have been happily married for 15 years).
So if my 10 and 13 year old DCs asked me that question I would explain that I don't believe in soulmates so no Daddy isn't my soulmate

Yep, all the "super duper much" and "super happy" is a bit 🙄

Surely he had lost interest by the end of that speech!

I'd have told him that soul mate is a made up term, not a real thing.

Honestly, this is why I hate Bluey. Her parents are also forever making life into teachable moments 🙄

You remember that saccharine and trite speech word by word? Yeah, right.

If daddy puts the dishwasher on and gets his pants off the bathroom floor, we can discuss 'soul mates...'

Your poor 6yo!! All you needed to say was yes. Instead you sat him down and spouted a long speech about love and marriage and family, and the kid probably switched off within seconds.

Jesus Christ 🤣 all the child will remember from that monologue is ‘daddy isn’t my soul mate’.

He’s 6.. no need for that chat.

I'd be wondering where he picked up the saccharine term 'soulmate'.

Disagree. Soulmate tropes can set up unrealistic relationship expectations and lead to issues. Its odd the things that stick when youre that age. Whenever I made food at mums house, I cracked an egg into a little bowl first before adding to the rest of the ingredients. One day I forgot and added it straight in,
(Lighthearted) "shit, sorry, sorry, just forgot! Dont judge when Im in a rush at home I just bung the egg in, I know..."
She looked at me like I was crazy.
"You always said I had to crack the egg into a bowl first?"
"Yes... When you were a small child..."

Id just so internalised it and never questioned it.

Just saying that if my kid asks it will be, "I dont think soulmates are real, that there is only one person in the whole wide world you are destined to love but I do think people are more or less right for eachother and Im so lucky to have found and love your daddy."

Wow that was pretty cold. Anyway I would have just said yes to a 6 year even if you didn't believe it.

Lol. To be fair it's much easier to get any bits of shell out of a little bowl, small child or not!

Soulmates Is something that I always quote Monica about.

”I don’t believe in soulmates. Our relationship works because we love each other and work hard at it. Sometimes we work very hard at it.”

I would then have got the kids to do a calculation of their chances of meeting their soulmate if there is only 1 person out there for each of us. (I am a mathematician. Most of their questions are answered using a sum. I like sums. 😉)

Well that's a great response for a tween and teen! Maybe not a 6 year old though 😂

This reminds me of the social media post that did the rounds a few years ago. The mum "Rebecca" posted that her (3 year old) son had said to her "Everyone dies one day. Everyone. Even wolves. But not books. Not words. Words never die"

And someone had replied with "Fuck off Rebecca he did not say that"

😂

😬

You still had your 6 year old's attention by the end of all that? Hats off to you🤣 This reads like a script, sorry OP I don't really believe it😅

😂I had not heard of this before. Brilliant!