I contacted Rape Crisis earlier about an incident that happened when I was a child, but that I only found out about/had confirmed yesterday. I used their webchat service as I really didn't feel up to speaking. The advisor took a long time to respond. I typed out what had happened, waited 10 minutes for a short ChatGPT-esque response then suddenly the chat ended with a message saying that our 45 minutes were up. It had been 25 minutes and most of that was waiting for the advisor to reply to me. I've basically been a mess since.
I tried contacting my employee assistance programme for the first time just now. At the start of the call I was asked for my details and told that all calls are recorded for quality and training purposes. I asked if my call could not be recorded but they said no. I asked if it could not be used for training purposes at least but that wasn't an option either, so I didn't feel I could continue the call.
I feel like I'm paralysed, like my body is physically stuck. My head is swimming, my temples are pounding and things feel distorted. I can't speak to friends. I don't want to call the samaritans because I'm not suicidal and I don't want sympathy, I want to try to make sense of things but I don't know where to turn or how to manage this discomfort. I have no idea what to do with these feelings.